Extremely depressed again

I feel that I don't exist
Do many people feel like that?
Getting old is not a help
Sometimes I want to burst out of my slowness and run like a child
It is strange
I am not sure what depression is
I have always had it
Too tired to think
This writing helps
But it is not good writing

When I came to the house you said "Someone has been in and stolen all
my
gold watches."
"But we never had any gold watches" I said, "only that one which you
got
for your retirement"
Then there is the chair - your retirement chair. Who wants a
retirement
chair? I am going outside to do some gardening. Just to get away. But
you
know that I will come back.

Today I read that someone wants to create life from scratch with
artificial
genes built up laboriously. Are they all mad? The world is teeming
with
life and we are not cherishing it. We are rushing about in
gas-guzzling
motor cars and filling the world with rubbish. Soon there will be no
room
for plants and animals to breathe.

Then dies the human race.

Start now. Get rid of your bombs, you in the Pentagon, there in the
USA.
Start now. If you want peace, then surely we have to try a different
path.
Try talking to each other, not bombing each other.