Ultimate Director's Cut, The

THE ULTIMATE DIRECTOR'S CUT

Yeah, the witch is dead. I know you all hate her,
But for Christ's sake save your Ding-Dong song for later
I'm the Tin-Man, a robot, like the Terminator
But I'm sorry to say, I'm a bit of a traitor.
But the wizard's a fake, a phoney and a liar
It's his position as ruler I intend to acquire.
I'm taking over and here's the ransom I now require.
Pay attention, and hear my intention,
O mighty Wizard of Oz. You're time is up now, because
You promised me a brand new heart, and a passport to a whole new
start
But now my bombs are going to blow Emerald City wide apart.
And when my axe chops off her head
The brat called Dorothy will wind up dead.
Her lion friend made a sharp exit. He shit himself and then he legged
it,
And as for that scrawny scarecrow, straw burns well, as well you
know
The poor little bugger went up a treat
You can really feel the heat
From here, can't you Dorothy, my dear?
Oh, my my! Please don't cry just because Toto's run away
What could your dog do to save you anyway?
Oh my God, the Munchkins are coming!
I can hear the sound of their little feet running.
Can't you hear their shrill battle cry? "Evil Tin-Man, prepare to
die!"
They've secured control of the Yellow-Brick Road
There's a whole army of dwarfs getting ready to load
Cannons, and muskets, catapults and guns
And ahead of the column the little dog Toto runs.
It was an awesome sight, the hostages stood up to gape,
So while they were distracted I make good my escape.
Grabbing hold of Dorothy's red-ruby shoes
I put them on quickly, no time to lose.
Mushroom clouds rose over the Emerald dome
As I screamed out loud, "There's no place like home."
I wound up in Kansas, in Dorothy's home town
I Miss my old friends at times; yeah, it gets me down.
The Munchkin Militia quit searching a long time ago
Asked where I am, they just say "Somewhere over the rainbow."
Arthur Chappell