The rifle inches from flesh with a sickening lust
and the smoke curling like ringlets on your head.
The deafening blows from the gun quicken your
heartbeat and you walk. No you run away from all
of the spent bullets.
You have died and they have died.
It's all a rush of adrenaline and a deafening blow
to the life you've known and a job worth forgetting.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | January 16, 2010 - 09:16
I like your imagery here, Beeme. It works well. (Just a minor typo in the first line, should be 'rifle')
In particular I like this phrase:-
'...smoke curling like ringlets'.
Nice one;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | January 16, 2010 - 09:29
Thankyou Tina, changed the typo. Glad you enjoyed:-)
Beeme xx
MistakenMagic | January 16, 2010 - 12:53
Love the line Tina quoted about the smoke and ringlets! Brilliant image, Beeme - and a very atmospheric poem!
Magic xxx
Beeme | January 16, 2010 - 18:57
Thankyou Magic I'm glad you enjoyed.
Beeme xx
Nathan Bednarek | January 17, 2010 - 17:04
A very good poem and the last line is a spit’n’polish finish. I enjoyed this very much. Well done.
Nathan.
Beeme | January 17, 2010 - 19:28
Thankyou so much Nathan, I'm very glad you enjoyed.
Beeme xx
EpheLuwe | January 17, 2010 - 19:56
Your incredibly advanced considering your age. Even not considering... Our ages are similiar but your poetry's very mature.
I love the last stanza
God bless.
-Oscuro
Beeme | January 17, 2010 - 20:07
Thankyou so much for the compliment Oscuro. I'm happy you think so and that you enjoyed the poem.
Beeme xx
Nolan | January 20, 2010 - 09:32
Scary. I think I should quit smoking.
Thanks Beeme!!
Nolan
Beeme | January 20, 2010 - 21:10
lol, :D