My mouth is a fault line that
you are afraid to approach,
so I smile like frowning is
a curse.
I angle my neck to match yours
and like swans we dance, I hope
to love eternally.
I enjoy the sweet sting of your
lips, but the after taste is different.
I smile at you blindly and silently
wink. There is nothing more to give.
You pant “we've started something
that was nothing in the first place”
I feel something in my bones.
I turn in my stained lips to you,
your words although spat and cold
do not hurt me. It's my mistake.
Comments
rjnewlyn | January 6, 2010 - 01:39
I liked this. It captures that sense of ambivalence well.
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 08:59
Thankyou rjnewlyn, glad you enjoyed. Beeme x
MistakenMagic | January 6, 2010 - 09:04
Beautiful, honest poem as always Beeme!
I just stumbled a bit over these lines:
'I smile at you blindly and wink
at you silently.'
I think the repetition is a little awkward in this sense and I would suggest cutting the 'at you silently:
'I smile at you blindly and wink.'
or alternatively:
'I smile at you blindly and silently wink.'
See what you think - but you shouldn't worry about this one. It's very touching and fits perfectly with your other poems!
Magic xxx
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 09:09
Thankyou Magic I agree, I like " I smile at you blindly and silently wink" Glad you enjoyed. Beeme x
Nathan Bednarek | January 6, 2010 - 17:16
'so I smile like frowning is
a curse.'
I really love this line and the poem really deserves the cherry. You obviously have a knack for love poetry. Perhaps it's out of experience? ;-)
A huge well done from me.
Nathan xox
Larkin Williamson | January 6, 2010 - 17:34
I see such wisdom here...beautiful again...thank you.
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 17:43
Thankyou so much larkin, I'm glad you enjoy my poems and take the time to tell me. Beeme x
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 17:46
Thankyou so much Nathan, I'm glad you enjoyed, that's also my favourite line. As for my knack at love poetry I'm glad you think so ;-)
Beeme xox
MistakenMagic | January 6, 2010 - 18:49
Well done on the cherry Beeme! ;)
Magic xxx
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 18:51
Thankyou Magic, thanks to your help earlier ;-)
Beeme xx
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 18:52
Thankyou abctales for the cherry, made my day!
Silver Spun Sand | January 6, 2010 - 19:07
Beeme - I have just noticed. Forgive me;- Very well done on your cherry. You work so hard, always and it has been deservedly rewarded;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 19:36
Thankyou so much Tina, the cherry was so unexpected. I'm glad you notice how much work I put in, it means alot :-)
Beeme xx
Dan-The-Man | January 6, 2010 - 21:18
I write a lot of love poetry myself. Many people seem surprised us sixteen year olds can write such stuff. You are very talented at this, well done. =)
Dan
Beeme | January 6, 2010 - 21:48
I know lol, thankyou for the compliment Dan. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Beeme xx
Cavalcaderl | January 9, 2010 - 21:50
new Beeme
Well definitely worth the Cherry!
I enjoyed all of it. You do have a way with
love and romance poem's.
well done!
Deep deep snow Iv'e hibernated few days.
julie xx
Beeme | January 9, 2010 - 23:03
Thankyou so much Julie, is the snow any better now?
Beeme xx
mmseason | January 11, 2010 - 21:24
Lovely poem! Thanx for visiting mine today. :0) Your profile apologies for your youth, but you certainly seem to know what you're doing.
mand
The Travel Hopefully Blog
Beeme | January 12, 2010 - 20:04
Thankyou Mand, I'm glad you enjoyed and that you think so.