Hansel and Gretel Reimagined (Poetry Monthly)

Gold cherry

By Canonette

Sat, 27 Jun 2015
  • 3153 reads
14 comments
 

I am the girl, hiding the bruises; stick arms are mottled with ripe plums and ink blots.

I am the boy, pretending not to be hungry; tell teacher I’ve eaten my packed lunch already.

I am the girl, lying in the darkness; hoping tonight he won’t carry me downstairs in my pyjamas.

I am the boy, cowering at the shouting; ears strain to hear my own name being mentioned.

I am the girl, lured by soft talk and candy; sat up on men’s laps in exchange for a sweetie.

I am the boy who’s always in trouble; locked in the bedroom, because I’ve been fighting.

I am the girl whose clothes are all dirty; one school blouse only, tidemark round the collar.

I am the boy, wondering where he’s being taken; trailing empty sweet wrappers through the car window.

I am the girl, who pleads, Daddy don’t leave me.

I am the boy.  I am the girl.

Certificate PG
Poem
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Canonette on

blush

 

Submitted by Canonette on

Response to the Poetry Monthly challenge.  This month's was to reconstruct a fairy story.  I'm not happy with it, but the deadline is up!

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I'm sure someone will be along with some proper suggestions, but in the meantime I really like the simple stark sentences reminiscent of a ladybird book - would love to see illustrations to go with that thought!

 

Submitted by love_writing on

I love this. Hard hitting addressing modern issue's. I also like the childlike 'I am'..at the start of each line.

love_writing

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Get a great reading recommendation every day

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

Deadline 30th! Still knocking mine up. Repetition and clean lines work very well. Favourite story and extending the abuse/neglect perspective is really emotive yet distanced effectively.

 

Submitted by Canonette on

Thank you, everyone! I always think of child abuse when I think of Hansel and Gretel, it's a really grim tale (pun unintentional!).

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Yes, I think it's good as it is. Hansel and Gretel is an uncomfortable story, we accept the unacceptable because it's wrapped up in sweets. It certainly makes you think of all sorts of different abuses.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Excellent reimagining - fairy tales are great because they remain so fundamentally true.  I like the rhythm and the build up to the stark ending.  I found the image of the cowering child straining to hear his own name particulary heart-stopping.  That is exactly what kids do. 

Submitted by celticman on

deadlines can dull the imagination and real-life challenges make more sense, but there is a kinda cruelty that is recognisable, unfortunately, in this writing. All to the bad or good.  

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

very effective piece in its style and execution. felt sharp and startling and played against its fairy tale prompt well.

 

Submitted by Canonette on

Thank you, celticman and Stephen.

 

Submitted by rayjones on

What a bleak snapshot of reality those precious unnamed children endure. This poem was spotlight on one of our society'sgreatest sins thank you, great work Ray 

Submitted by Canonette on

Thank you, Ray - I tried to keep to the structure of Hansel and Gretel, but bring it up to date.