One is a Royal monster
A monster of the Crown
One cannot abide commoners
Or those from out of town
One loves cakes and crumpets
At three on the dot each day
One doesn’t like idle gossip
Or princesses who get in the way
One doesn’t like Johnny Foreigner
Or garish headlines in the press
One doesn’t like marriages gone wrong
One likes to look one’s best
We can’t have those sorts of princesses
Who consort with those other types of ‘queen’
Who frolic on boats in the ocean
Princesses should be neither heard nor seen
One has to take a stand these days
And stop things when they go wrong
It's true, we didn’t like the ‘friendship’ with Dodi
But how we hated Elton John!
