Ladies Who Lunch At The Entemol

Just hilarious, fantastic!

Just one thing - a tighter structure would tie this up neatly - suggest dividing the lines in two..the layout in its present form is messy and sadly detracts somewhat from an excellent piece of work...

J x

Thanks J. I have to agree the structure made it look like hard work.I've reigned in the words a bit, hopefully it's more inviting to read now.

Much better, so much friendlier to the eye and the rhymes shine through now!

However, would work much better with proper punctuation - I have taken the liberty:

The waiter served the mermaid pie
and a glass of our favourite tipple;
He pulled out the cork and a wasp flew out
and stung me on the nipple.
Daphne asked if I was well
and offered me snuff from a tin;
I opened my mouth to answer her
and a butterfly flew in.
'This octopus is middle aged!'
I said, 'Dear, be careful to chew it.'
She flared her saucy nostril
and an earwig crawled through it.
She quaffed and we talked,
I scoffed and she squawked
And ladybirds crawled through the roots of her hair,
And cockchafers danced in our underwear;
'I've a bothersome rash,' whispered Daphne,
as she crunched on her woodlice brulee;
She pulled up her jodhpur to show me
and a vine weevil scuttled away.
She said, 'Do have ants with your lemon meringue,
they're protein enriched with a curious tang.'
I hailed the pickled waiter
and asked him to hang for a tip;
I opened my purse and a cricket came out
and appendaged itself to my lip.
I said Cheerio to sweet Daphne,
who had drunk herself into a stupor;
She thanked me with three jars of grasshopper jam
with whole Mother Shipton and pupa.

J x