The whirlpool.

I’m a regular at the Senior Swim these days. Only costs a quid with the OAP discount and us old folk get the place to ourselves. Lovely. No screaming kids. My routine is a little dip followed by the sauna then a bit of whirlpool. Not that I really swim much, more like floating in the shallow end with some other biggies. Save the whales.

The sauna is just right. Hot and steamy. You can almost watch the pounds coming off. I’ll put them back on later but that’s just me. Usual bunch of overweight mortal coils in there. Ah, here’s Robert looking trim and vigorous. He’s 75. Retired stockbroker or something. Loves to tell everybody how he swims 20 lengths every day. Robert is an inspiration to us all.

The whirlpool is my favorite. Gives me a chance to think about my life. Thirty years in the building trade. Wife and kids. Nice House. Grandchildren. Could be worse. The bubbles are very relaxing and there’s a couple of Chinese women always in there. I like to have a bit of a laugh with them. Ni hao then I ask, learned that in Malaya. Always gets a giggle. I even get a lazy lob. Wonder what they’d do if I got my plonker out. Not that I would. Funny how these thoughts pop up in the whirlpool. I’m watching Robert. His eyes look a little glazed. Bugger me he’s slipping under. One of the Chinese women gives a little shriek but he’s gone before anybody can get to him. When they do fish him out things don’t look hopeful. A lifeguard tries respiration but Robert’s a gonner. No more Senior Swim for him.

Well it upset me. But not much. I’m still hungry. It’s quite busy in McDonalds so I get my order and sit down across from a little old geyser in a raincoat with a cup of coffee. I’m starting on my Big Breakfast when the old bloke starts talking about cholesterol. I hate that. You can’t enjoy a good nosh these days without somebody going on about clogged arteries.

‘Who are you then?’ I ask.
‘Grim reaper mate.’ he says.
‘Grim bloody reaper?’
‘Right. Angel of Death.’
Well what can you say? There are some funny people around.
‘I had a job out at the swimming pool this morning. That’s where I saw you.’
‘Robert?’
‘Was that his name? I wouldn’t know. I’m just filling in.’
He’s got my attention.
‘You’re going to ask me when it’s your turn right?’
‘Well….’
‘Don’t worry they all do. Simple answer I don’t know.’
‘But…’
‘Best I can do mate. All we get is a few talking points. Exercise, eat well, you probably know all that. Live each day as ‘twere thy last is a good one. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Scuse me a sec.’ He pulls a cell-phone out of his raincoat pocket. ‘Right. Got to go. Pile up on the motorway. Go with the flow, that’s another good one. Nice talking to you.’

And that was it….