I’m not here tomorrow;
the show ends today.
If you can’t be bothered
to pay attention
then there won’t be
any repetition.
Your grasp of my logic
is limited by the effort
required for you to listen
and not simply hear
the sounds coming out
of my mouth.
I’m not being bitter,
just practical and honest.
Maybe you should
thicken up your skin
before you try
tearing strips of mine.
Comments
artisus | August 22, 2008 - 12:18
in my opinion the first stanza is unnecessary, however, it is a good and interesting poem.
Dynamaso | August 23, 2008 - 01:21
Artisus, thanks for your comment. Can I ask why you don't think the first stanza necessary?
artisus | August 23, 2008 - 10:07
You're welcome. I read it again and again, the first stanza is good but perhaps the poem would be better if you rearranged them all, changed the order.
S2
S1
S3
ps: I don't know if you've understood something, the best line of your poem, is "I'm not here tomorrow", this is the stanza you should start with. Makes the reader curious not just interested.
Dynamaso | August 23, 2008 - 11:45
Thanks very much. Appreciate your input and I have made the change as you suggested. It really makes more sense, particularly when you recite out loud.