I like the way
her knees
leave prints
on my bedspread
as she crawls
her way up
over the ranges
my legs make
under the covers
until she is
safe in my arms.
I like the way
she smiles when
waking up
from a sleep
on my side
of the bed
on a cold winter
afternoon when I
come home from
chasing a ball
with other fools.
I like the way
she hums quietly
while cooking
or doing other
house chores
that we put off
until we have
to finally give
in to feigning
a vague sense
of domesticity.
I like the way
she rubs me
in the small
of my back
without me
having to ask
or cajole or
bribe her with
promises of
reciprocity or
chocolate buds.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | January 7, 2010 - 10:26
This is beautiful. Very.
Tina
Dynamaso | January 7, 2010 - 11:59
Thanks very much Tina, I'm glad you think so.
tcook | January 7, 2010 - 15:51
I like it very much as a piece of writing but I'm going to be difficult here and ask - is it really a poem? Isn't it just a very well put description of a relationship? Apart from the line breaks, what is poetic about it?
This is a debate I've wanted for a while and I'm not sure of the answers. If this takes off then maybe we should take it to the forums!
Dynamaso | January 8, 2010 - 01:29
Tony, in a traditional sense, you're right, of course. But I certainly believe it fits under the umbrella of modern poetry (the definition, I admit, is particularly loose). Then again, I'm no expert.
I would like to see what sort of debate this does inspire as I think it is a very good topic. As you suggest, I'm going to take it to the forums.
tcook | January 8, 2010 - 11:31
Thanks for being understanding about it - it's no comment on the quality of your poem, it's about 'what is poetry?'
lenchenelf | January 8, 2010 - 15:34
I like the gentle conversational tone as if imparting inner thoughts to a close friend, lovely flow. atb Lena xx
Dynamaso | January 9, 2010 - 03:25
Tony, I appreciate what you're saying, believe me. It is only recently I started writing poems such as these. Up until then, I saw poetry as being lyrics without music. Obviously, there is more to it than that.
Dynamaso | January 9, 2010 - 03:27
Thanks Lena. :)