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Mourning Thoughts

Posted by Dynamaso on May 4, 2010 - 13:10

As I watched you sleeping this morning,
for a very short while imagined
if you weren’t there.

My life would have turned differently,
ending incomprehensibly in a place
where you don’t exist.

While I dwelt in this dawning darkness,
I felt the knife I wasn’t holding
twist in your breast.

Blood you didn’t bleed poured out
across the white linen we share,
making art in your death.

Then your eyes opened and captured me,
rending me powerless again,
under your control

until you sleep once more.

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Comments

Silver Spun Sand | May 5, 2010 - 18:23

This is so very beautiful.

Tina

kheldar | May 5, 2010 - 21:52

Have to agree with Tina, and add that it also conveys a sense of menace.

Well done,

David

P.S. the last line of stanza 2 has a slight mistake in it (sorry)

Dynamaso | May 5, 2010 - 23:54

Tina, scary beautiful, I hope. Thanks for your comment.

Dynamaso | May 5, 2010 - 23:55

David, thanks to you too, both for your comment and for pointing out what completely escaped me. And please, don't apologise. I really appreciate feedback, particularly if it makes a piece better.

Dynamaso | May 6, 2010 - 01:34

Oh and thanks to the givers of Cherries too.

MistakenMagic | May 6, 2010 - 09:26

Well done on the cherry, Mark! Indeed it is 'scary beautiful' but beautiful nonetheless ;)

Magic xxx

insertponceyfre... | May 6, 2010 - 16:34

I missed this! It's really good - I like how so much is unsaid, or just hinted at.. Well done about the cherry xx

Dynamaso | May 7, 2010 - 00:34

Magic, thanks for your comment. Glad you can see past the 'scary' to the 'beautiful'.

Dynamaso | May 7, 2010 - 00:35

Insert..., thanks so much. Getting fruit is always a bonus.

Dynamaso | May 7, 2010 - 21:44

Blighter, thank you. If I knew someone like this, I'd probably have problems sleeping at all.

mikepyro | May 10, 2010 - 06:02

been a long time since I've read your work and I must say it's even better than I remember.

there is great maturity to this work and it is captured so well.
great job

Dynamaso | May 11, 2010 - 04:07

Mike, thanks very much for your kind comment, mate. Much appreciated...