Ten Cats and a DIY Investigation

It must be around here somewhere
though I don’t remember putting it down
and I’m sure I wouldn’t have given it away
admittedly I can’t remember when I had it last
and I’m beginning to wonder whether I haven’t
lost it at all and maybe it was lifted when
I turned my head and dropped my guard.

I should probably get a crime reference number
but do the police deal with this kind of crime?
Yes, there is a prime suspect but with no proof
and no body, so to speak, I’m really not holding
out much hope they’ll find the damn thing
and I’m a bit worried because I think I
may be guilty of aiding and abetting.

I thought about hiring a private detective
though in the interests of economics I suppose
I could just whack on a few CSI DVDs and
conduct a DIY investigation of my own
I mean, it can’t be that flaming hard and
I really should be best placed to establish
a motive, means and opportunity.

It’s actually more than a little embarrassing
in fact, I’m struggling to comprehend
how I could possibly have been so careless
and left myself open to such opportunism
technically I suppose it’s theft, though
I’m sure I could try for armed robbery
if I hired a good lawyer and prayed.

I suppose you’re wondering exactly what
it is that I had stolen when I lifted my head,
dropped my guard and started to believe in
the beauty of human nature and the possibility
of not ending up a spinster with ten cats watching
CSI re-runs and growing fat and disillusioned and
if I told you it was my heart would you laugh?