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Lust: A Terzanelle

Posted by emg32 on May 10, 2009 - 12:28
from the ABC set My Work

You smile at me with a shy visage,
My heart rises, sinks, defies gravity,
I’m warm enough to mold your image.

I want to kiss your throat, that sweet concavity.
Blanket you with words and kisses and skin,
My heart rises, sinks, defies gravity.

I want to taste you, salt and chemicals and sin
as I sit by your bed, chin on my knees.
Blanket you with words and kisses and skin.

I don’t care, lean over and whisper obscenities,
let your body lead me to doom,
as I sit by your bed, chin on my knees.

You exhale smoke in a stuttered plume,
watch me shake though slitted eyes.
Let your body lead me to doom,

and blot out this moment of rain and soft lies.
You smile at me with a shy visage,
Watch me shake through slitted eyes;
I’m warm enough to mold your image.

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Comments

Jasper_Milvain | May 10, 2009 - 14:09

Very nice emg32. It certainly feels 'accomplished', though I can't explain exactly why. I really liked it.

What's the difference between a terzanelle and a villanelle. I had a go at a villanelle once, and the forms are certainly similar.

The difficulty is in avoiding a stunted rhythm that can arise out of repeated lines. Even the most famous of poets seem to struggle with this aspect of the form, and I think you've done a pretty good job of keeping it flowing here, so I think that qualifies it as a success.

Good stuff.
Thanks.
JM.

emg32 | May 10, 2009 - 23:06

Thanks! I do love writing terzanelles, but most seem to come out, as you call it, "stunted."

As for the differences, terzanelles are a kind of modified villanelle; actually, a combo of the villanelle and terza rima. Unlike the villanelle, though, it's not as repetitive as the villanelle can be; the second line of the preceding stanza is the third line of the next one, so it's less repetitive.

Jasper_Milvain | May 11, 2009 - 16:16

Thanks for clearing that up for me emg32.
Look forward to more.

sunshine | May 12, 2009 - 12:05

I'm impressed - I think it's so hard to write within such confines.

emg32 | May 12, 2009 - 15:50

Thanks! It is a fiddle-y little form, but I like to use form at times to see how well (or not) I can operate within the constraints.

I adore writing sestinas. Although I've not yet written a successful one, they do provide a lot of material to work into something that sucks less.

Sikander | May 13, 2009 - 13:29

I love this. It's been haunting me a little so I thought I better leave a comment.
The form seems to actually aid the flow and music of the poem rather than hinder - as so often happens! - and at the same time the vision of the piece is, as I've said, haunting.
Brilliant work.

emg32 | May 15, 2009 - 12:25

Wow, thank you so much!

It makes me want to try this form again, actually.

SundaysChild | May 15, 2009 - 21:55

Very striking.
Well done.

emg32 | May 16, 2009 - 11:43

Thanks so much!

Matt John | February 24, 2010 - 09:33

A terzanelle is a poetry form which is a combination of the villanelle and the terza rima. It is nineteen lines total, with five triplets and a concluding quatrain OR a total of sixty-six lines, consisting of twelve triplets and a concluding quatrian (for good measure, some say). This thirteen-stanza form is quite rare in English literature, when compared to the 'standard' six stanza alternative. The rhyme scheme is as follows, with bracketed letters representing individual rhymes:

Verse 1 (a)
Verse 2 (b)
Verse 3 (a)
....

Really here described is fantastic and i really amused by reading this;

Blessing!

Matt John
!------!
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