Pocketful of Tears

Well it certainly speaks loud and clear to me about buttoned down emotions. A good one I think I like the last two lines in particular. Those two lines can be interpreted in quite a few ways and makes you think. Val.

I found this in a notebook, I think it may have been written about Feb 2007 as one of my first stabs at a 'pome'. Not my best perhaps, but interesting in comparison to later efforts?

I too like the ultimate two lines; so much carried in few words.

The whole poem reflects the 'tightness' or buttoned-up emotional persona.

I like!

Glycerine, the sweet stuff? makes nitroglycerin, smokeless gunpowder - it's odourless, fearing what one will feel or come to know if one takes a sniff in the mirror? Poem reminds me that feeling hollow, empty is the hardest kind of reflection - good poem Ewan, xx will read again --->

Hope you don't mind:

I carry my tears
in my pocket.
My emotions smell
of glycerine.
This mask is tighter
than a corset -
more uncomfortable to breathe.
My heart is buried deep
against the day
it bleeds for rancour.
Fear of introspection
keeps this disguise in place.
The mirror man looks hollow
on the face of it.

If you do mind, say so and I'll avoid editing in the future.

I liked it. cheers

No I don't mind... not sure I like 'more uncomfortable to breathe', but definitely prefer 'keeps this disguise in place'

But I preferred the last two lines separate, as they were.

Not sure about the 'more uncomfortable to breathe' either - not grammatically sound in the context of the preceding lines.

Ewan, thanks. It's better now I think.

Jennifer, the preceding lines, well we have a mask that is tighter than a corset (- and) more uncomfortable (to breathe).

Grammatically is sound in the context. Let's see what others have to say.

Furthermore, something smells in the poem

My emotions smell
of glycerine.

I wanted to complete the suffocating situation. Emotions that smell / a mask tighter than a corset.. (perhaps to intensify)- needs air, but there is not enough. The way I saw the poem.
Eventually of course

Fear of introspection
keeps this disguise in place.

Fear of asphyxia will liberate the poet from the corset/mask, release the tears.

I hate torn pockets too. All your loose change falls out.

Sorry, I sensed a lack of facetious comments and rushed in to fill the void.

it*

I have to admit I prefer the coda version... but it's an instinctive thing, I know that it will offend real poets.

My pomposity is duly punctured Footsie.

May I just say I prefer the original version :) Val

Yes, artisus, I am aware of the whole SENSE of the line (and am rather offended you think me that unintelligent), but I disagree that the sense is grammatically sound.

'in which to breathe', possibly would do it.

You can't breathe either a mask or a corset!

Offended? Sorry, but I see no offense. Perhaps you think I continued talking to you when I said "Furthermore" which is not the case. I was trying to explain why I added "to breathe". Anyway, calm down and bye.

Again, I understood your use of 'Furthermore'.

Please do not tell me to 'calm down' in such a patronising and rude manner.

Perhaps if you read what I wrote properly then you would cease to insult me.

Apologies to Ewan, whose poem we are supposed to be discussing, because it's really rather good.

Jennifer, you keep saying that I offend you, that I insult you. And I am so far as tolerant as possible of your accusations.

"Anyway, calm down and bye."
"Please do not tell me to 'calm down' in such a patronising and rude manner."

Patronizing? And rude? I'll show you patronizing and rude ----->

Patronizing: I would calm down first if I were you, then with a clear mind you will see I am right and you overreacted.
Rude: Calm down you silly goose!

I have nothing to apologize to you or Ewan for.

Good Evening.

Your high horse appears to be a little lame.

>jennifer | November 9, 2008 - 19:32
>
>Your high horse appears to be a little lame.
>
>

Whatever, I am not going to shoot it. :)

Ewan - perfected now! Much tighter.

artisus - if you like, I could recommend a good vet? have got over myself now - the poetry and the venting helped.

*giggles uncontrollably*