The Argly Woo

Many people tell stories
Of monsters and beasts
Of knights killing dragons
And glorious feasts

Of vampires and werewolves
And seamonsters too
But none were as bad
As the Argly Woo

“What’s the Argly woo?”
I hear you all shout
Well that’s what this poem
Will tell you about

The Argly Woo
Was a massive creature
With two purple eyes
And five gallons of fur

It had massive jaws
And lived upon meat
Underneath all its fur
Grew four giant feet

With it’s claws and its teeth
It could destroy and devour
The widest village ever known
And the highest tower

But a horrible talent
That the monster had
Was that it could make anyone
Go completely mad

For instance, Sir Thomas
Who came up from the South
The Argly Woo easily got him
Foaming at the mouth

And then there was Ryan Dibble
who lived at north Jonkers
After just a look at the foul beast
He went completely bonkers

Some acted like a chicken
Some thought they were a bunny
And the Argly woo, (AW for short)
Found this rather funny

Now in Dogsthorpe in Peterborough
A boy heard of England's dilemma
And he set off to fight the beast
Taking his dog Emma

He also took some stinkbombs
a blanket and treacle too
and the boy went down across the border
to fight the Argly Woo

He found the monster after a while
Driving an old druid mad
And to see a grown up looking so weird
It didn’t seem right to the lad

Vowing to rescue the druid
And destroy the monster too
With great speed for an eight year old
He dived at the Argly Woo

For hours they did tussle,
Kicked and scratched and bit
rolled on the barren earth
Covering the boy in Argly spit

At this point the elder druid
Belted the monster on its behind
It stared, leered and licked its lips
And the old man lost his mind

Now perhaps it was out of revenge
but before the beast could give chase
The child yanked open the lid of the treacle
And flung it at its face

Whether it was luck or not
We will never know
But the the treacle fell all over the beast
And covered it head to toe

But before you could say Jack Riddle
Or even say bread roll
The monster grabbed Emma by her legs
And swallowed the little thing whole

The boy’s face hardened at the sight of this
And much to the monster’s surprise
Pulled out his set of stinkbombs
And hurled them in its eyes

Then before the beast could rally
And drive him round the bend
He stuffed the blanket in its mouth
And that was the creatures end

And the boy went back a hero
Much more famous than when he had gone
But the rumour is that The AW had kids
Many young Woos live on

So let this be a lesson
To all you kids out there
If you ever see an Argly woo
Please, oh please beware!