Montgomery, Montgomery

Montgomery, Montgomery
The greatest cad in history
A weasel sly and Slippery
In expensive cotton frippery
His smile so slick and buttery
Makes the ladies tummies fluttery
Drinks wine throughout tomfoolery
Without staining the upholstery

Montgomery, Montgomery
Invades your late night revelry
Like smoke he drifts unhealthily
Eyes his targets levelly
Before oozing out his flattery
Like a leaky zincfilled battery
More feline than a cattery
More mystery than Mcavity

For Montgomery Montgomery
Lives untouched by our economy
Oiled up and in his finery
He’s a master of Adultery
The nemesis of monogamy
He loiters round the registry
Watching young brides lustily
Waltzes with them…horizontally

Montgomery Montgomery
Even pulls when in the nunnery
Bounds to the nuns with energy
Compliments them on their rosary
Guides several through the cemetery
In a pretence of old school chivalry
Evades Mother superiority
To take comfort from them plurally

Montgomery, Montgomery
The greatest cad in history
There’s no other man more masterly
He spends whole weeks with Bunbury
As bohemian as Pete Doherty
Cancel dinner, hide the crockery
He’ll never call you properly
Once hes got inside your frock-ery

Montgomery, Montgomery
The greatest cad in history
Forget revenge that’s tough and brotherly
He'll sniff out all planned thuggery
Duck out the window, calm, invisibly
Of wits he owns the monopoly
There’ no greater cad in history
Than Montgomery, Montgomery