This is – as you probably well know by now – 'Annual Rub Your Genitals In A Bowl Of Raspberry Jelly Day'. In the past, we of this proud island race used to be quite keen on displaying our jelly-smeared genitalia to all and sundry as we disported ourselves down the streets in a jolly, slightly drunken, manner that was once so common where the British and alcohol managed to get themselves within the vicinity of each other.
However, of late, the 'Annual Rub Your Genitals In A Bowl Of Raspberry Jelly Day' has fell into something of a lull, with many people shunning the day altogether, or turning their backs on the once communal nature of the event. Preferring, if they do get any jelly on their genitalia, doing so in the privacy of their own homes, possibly in the company of family, friends and – possibly – the neighbours.
Of course there are some relativity recent arrivals to these shores who regard any open display of their - or – indeed – anyone else’s genital as an offence to the eyes of their god*
Some have suggested that the recent lack of interest shown by some in 'Annual Rub Your Genitals In A Bowl Of Raspberry Jelly Day', is down to the rather prescriptive nature of the event itself. They suggest that maybe rather than just raspberry jelly, people should be offered a choice of dessert, such as: apple crumble, jam roly-poly, sponge pudding, or even just plain custard in which to rub their genitals, feeling this would breathe new life into an event they feel has grown too formulaic over the years.
Some of the more avant-garde practitioners of 'Annual Rub Your Genitals In A Bowl Of Raspberry Jelly Day' have even wondered why it should be even restricted to desserts, with some suggesting the possibilities of the day being better spent rubbing one’s genitals into a plateful of mashed potato, stir-fried Chinese noodles or even a pancake or two.
However, traditionalist have been swift to pooh-pooh such ideas as being contrary to the whole spirit of 'Annual Rub Your Genitals In A Bowl Of Raspberry Jelly Day' and the special place it still has – despite its current difficulties – in all our hearts, along with other such traditional special days.
*yes It seems everyone but them – like all other religions – can see the theological absurdity of this position. The only logical explanation is that this god – like all the others – is just as daft as those that purport to follow it.