Awakening, lying alone
on cool sheets,
you were the first thought
in my mind.
If you hadn’t made me laugh
I’d still be weaving my way
through the daybreaks.
Your need to tell me of tomorrow’s
Yes’,
only no to clichés
of being marooned
together
on a desert island.
I see the puzzled look
as you pick up the
dusty string;
you take a pearl and thread it
and I place my hand on your cheek,
stroke your heartbeat
and hear my own echo.
Yesterday is left alone,
today I will only leave
if you know how
the sweetness aches
and sobriety is blown to the wind.
I’ll meet the morning
and smile as your gentle words
tread paths in my mind.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | October 22, 2011 - 14:24
I love the way you model the mood and the tone of your poem around those four opening lines.
The three lines you use to complete that first stanza are beautiful:-
"If you hadn’t made me laugh
I’d still be weaving my way
through the daybreaks."
Also the imagery of the pearl necklace in the third stanza is particularly effective.
Much enjoyed;-)
Tina
SundaysChild | October 22, 2011 - 14:29
I find that third stanza hauntingly beautiful!
Highhat | October 22, 2011 - 14:59
Thank you for reading Tina. I am glad you enjoyed this one..
;)Pia
Highhat | October 22, 2011 - 14:59
Thanks for reading Sundays and for your lovely comment.
;)Pia
Highhat | October 22, 2011 - 16:54
Thanks for reading Julie- No it is defintely not about a stalker! Ha ha But thank you for your kind comment. It' is how I remember being in love if you must know- a feeble attempt at a love poem..
;)Pia
skinner_jennifer | October 23, 2011 - 15:46
I think this is beautiful Pia, certainly not a feeble
attempt at love, but a poem full of passion, that
third stanza definitely sums up the poem for me:-
I see the puzzled look
as you pick up the
dusty string;
you take a pearl and thread it
and I place my hand on your cheek
stroke your heartbeat
and hear my own echo.
How romantic.
Thankyou for sharing.
Hope you are having a great weekend.
Jenny.
Highhat | October 24, 2011 - 05:50
and I thank you very much Jenny for your lovely comment. I wasn't sure about this one at all but you have reassured me. The weather was perfect this weekend thank you.Lots of autumn leaves flying about and clear blue skies (funny word because there is really only one sky isn't there?)
atb
Pia ;)
Cavalcaderl | October 24, 2011 - 15:38
new Highhat
Pia
Good one for (IP)
Well must say beautiful poem.
Especially words of
stanza before last.
The pearl thread on a string,
I place my hand on your cheek!
Stroke your heartbeat
and hear my own echo!
lovely maybe lost love!
Reminds me os sea-shell put
to the ear echoes great.
Nothing to do with a stalker.
Yes, it's good love poem.
I don't always interpret some
well. But comment as think maybe.
Our bak garden is a mass of Russett
Leaves" took photo. Where I got idea
my poem "Russett Leaves" from amazingly
beautiful.Not on particular flower plant,
mind you have got a Passion Flower no blooms,
this year. Holy Passion flower parts all mean something.
julie x.
ScoZen | October 24, 2011 - 19:55
Lovely IP this one and I liked this line.
"...stroke your heartbeat and hear my own echo..."
de bedste onsken ? I think ?
Beeme | October 24, 2011 - 20:03
I think this is hauntingly beautiful. Very good, I felt I could connect.
Beeme xx
Highhat | October 25, 2011 - 04:52
Thank you ScoZen- you are quite right. De bedste ønsker to you too
Glad you enjoyed this one
;)Pia
Highhat | October 25, 2011 - 04:53
Glad you could connect Beeme- thank you for telling me
;)Pia
maggyvaneijk | October 25, 2011 - 08:31
I wish I could articulate myself better than just saying "wow" but that's really how I feel about this piece. Such haunting and stunning imagery like:
"stroke your heartbeat
and hear my own echo"
wow.
Highhat | October 25, 2011 - 15:10
Thank you very much Maggy- you have put me in better spirits now- thanks a lot
;)Pia
well-wisher | November 12, 2011 - 01:05
There's some great, memorable lines in this pia. I like
"I’d still be weaving my way
through the daybreaks".
and
"the sweetness aches
and sobriety is blown to the wind".
Enjoyed reading this, thank you.
JoHn -
"Ex amore victoria". ("From love comes victory".)
Highhat | November 12, 2011 - 10:33
Really pleased you enjoyed this John. Thank you so much for telling me..
;)Pia
alphadog1 | November 18, 2011 - 14:49
This and my "spent" seem to have a kind of connection. ( i refer my cliche beach scene;and that your piece had that waking tone that had my pulse racing...) I love the four opening lines... they give the rest of the piece its haunting quality. What is I.P? if its private, then fine. I just don't want to sound too much like an idiot. :) I loved the beautiful imagery of the third stanza. and the piece as a whole gave me shudders. Thanks for sharing and Good work :) xoxoxox
Highhat | November 18, 2011 - 18:45
IP is Inspiration Point- there is a new subject every week approx. You can see it on the front page.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed.
;)Pia
alphadog1 | November 18, 2011 - 19:06
No worries I'm glad you wrote it. I might try the IP, and see what I come up with... have a restful weekend
shoe | November 21, 2011 - 13:57
Love poems the hardest to do well, but you have written a fabulous one, do not underestimate how good this is.
I'm with Maggie here, WOW!
Highhat | November 21, 2011 - 15:54
Really glad you liked this Shoe...thanks for telling me- your comment was most welcome..and encouraging... ;D
;)Pia