Don't Butt Heads with the Goat

After knowing each other for two months and while playing pool at the Cottage Hotel in Mendon, Cindy and I decided to get married.

We had been living together since September in a big spread. She was renting this modern farmhouse with cornfields, pastures and barns. It had four bedrooms, two gigantic fireplaces. A finished basement which we later rented out. She worked at the zoo. She had a great way with animals. We built a chicken house. We bought some chickens. Her mother raised Toggenburg goats including some offspring from the herd of Robert Frost. We had a couple of horses. She loved Chance her German shephard. 

I was itching to settle down and so was she, so I guess you could say that we both settled at the same time.

We had decided to throw a Halloween party in the barn. We had sent out invitations. Lot's of people were gonna show up in costume. We figgered this would be a good time to get married. We looked around for someone who would marry us under these conditions and we found a Universalist. He understood the situation and was willing to officiate.

A week before the wedding, I told my parents and brother and sister about it. They were happy. They would keep the secret.

The day of the wedding came. Guests started to arrive. Cindy had informed her sisters. The sisters had informed Cindy's Mom. The families got together and prepared the feasting for the event. My brother and I bought a couple of kegs of beer and set them up in the barn where the party would be held.

We hired a band called Paradie Hotel and they were all set up and ready to rock.

As guests arrived, everbody headed down towards the barn, stopping to take a look at our collection of barnyard animals. We noticed Tommy Tron attempting to butt heads with the goat. We stopped him and decided that perhaps a sign was needed. We put a sign next to the goat..."Don't butt heads with the goat." Aside from Uncle Dave, the sign worked perfectly.

Everybody was in costume. Cindy's Mom came dressed as a witch. There were hookers, werwolves, nurses, a pair of dice, a raindrop, Edgar Allen Poe, Nixon, Elvis, Marilyn, a circus strongman, Cleopatra, several vampires, a nun, a dominatrix,a Buffalo Bill, a peacock, Bruce Springsteen and several priests. on and on. Cindy's costume was her wedding dress. I was dressed in a tuxedo.

There was so much dancing and drinking going on that I worried for a moment that we were all going to fall through to the floor of the stables beneath the barn barn....Lot's of boogie woogie, steel guitar, Commander Cody, Little Feat, Asleep at the Wheel.....everybody was willin' to be movin as if there was a riot goin' on in Barn Block number 5.

The band had brought a spotlight. When they took their 10 o'clock break, I asked my father and brother to step into the spotlight and try to get everybody's attention. They did as good a job as could be expected under the ale and weed circumstances. They introduced the Universalist, who calmed the waters by promising a special moment as soon as everyone quited down.

At first a few people started yelling at the Universalist commenting, on his costume and that he looked almost real. A nun headed for the spotlight but my sister Terri, managed to refrain her.

The Universalist introduced 4 string John Taylor from Salamanca, who stepped in the spotlight and sang The Wedding Song.....there is love. 

This was our cue to re-enter the barn....her wedding dress and my tux becoming something other than costumes with every step. They hit us with the spotlight. We advanced to the hitching post. We had written the wedding vows together and recited them. The barn was absolutely silent.

After the Universalist declared us man and wife, it had become somewhat clear to most of the folks that a wedding had indeed taken place. Somebody brought the huge wedding cake to the barn and that made it somehow seem even more real or surreal particularly to one of our guests, a guy named Trip who came dressed as a green goblin but who underneath the disguise was actually tripping has ass off on LSD; trying to sort through excess reality.

The spotlight led Cindy and me to the center of the barn where we did our wedding dance. Diggy Diggy Low. The band had returned. The fiddler was fiddlin' Soon everybody had formed a circle around us, and couple after couple broke from the circle and danced with us for a moment before returning to the surrounding circle. So much fun.......

A reporter from the local paper happened to be in attendance. The next day, he wrote up a long article about the celebration.

Said it was something he would never forget; the beauty of the bride...the spirit of the groom and the rocked out energy of the guests.

I hope you get the picture.

It's all true.

Happy Halloween to you.