Astrology

Even after a couple of Bacardi and cokes, the Finchley Road was enough to put the damper on any evening out. There was just nothing nice about it at all, except the company I was in. I looked down at our feet splashing along in the dirty puddles – my grubby Converses, the red really didn’t look very red at all anymore – T’s shoes – all scuffed and muddy – hardly white at all - and every now and again he would suddenly topple off the kerb.

That had been my fault. I’d told him in the shop he’d get used to a slight heel no problem; it hadn’t happened yet and it had been months since I’d helped him choose them. I sighed. Maybe with his next pair he should stick to flat shoes or brothel creepers. I would try to remember to tell him. Then I turned to the other side of me, to Joel’s Kickers, with one lace trailing in the grime, all soggy and blackened – how odd that someone so tall should have such small feet. At least it gave us something to tease him about.

It wasn’t far to the astrologer’s flat from the North Star – just down a little, across at the lights, and then a bit past the tube station, above one of the dingy nondescript shops, not far from where the Jesus'Freaks used to try to lure people into one of their funny meetings. I used to go there sometimes with Miranda when we were really, really stuck for something to do. I was beyond all that now, thank goodness. Just then Joel splashed me by accident and I jostled him into the gutter. I was so happy to be in the middle of my two best friends – the world was definitely more fun with them.

The warmth of the flat wasn’t that welcoming, even though it was cold outside, because with it came great gusts of incense from the joss sticks which had been placed in little brass containers dotted around the flat, and the not very exotic but equally unpleasant aroma of instant coffee. You could hear the beaded curtains clicking together as they swayed lightly, and the distant rumble of a tube train as it went by underneath us.

I looked around me – the sitting room was hideously over furnished – full of hangings and artefacts from India. The sofas were covered in what looked like old carpets, and they had far too many cushions on them. A silk scarf had been flung over the lightshade, which made it awfully gloomy and looked really stupid. Still, I really wanted to know what my stars said about me, so I tried not to look as disapproving as I felt.

Pam stood in the middle of the room rubbing her hands together and smiling rather too brightly at Joel and T. She was wearing chipped nail varnish, and you could see that her teeth stuck out a bit.

“So you’ve come at last! Fantastic!”

She looked them up and down so obviously it was ridiculous. She was almost old enough to be their mother for fuck’s sake.

“Coffee anyone?”

“Oh no thanks”

I tried to hide a smirk as I saw T edge a little further away. He was going to blow the whole thing if he wasn’t a little more tactful.

She smiled brightly again. There was a bit of an awkward silence. I tried to think of something conversational to say, then I caught sight of the hideous old lady slippers she had on and I had to turn around and pretend to be admiring an ugly wall hanging of an elephant so she wouldn’t see my face.

“Who’s first then?”

I nudged T, and he stretched his mouth in a very bad attempt at a smile. It almost made me laugh again.

“Yeah, yeah – I’ll have a go.”

She sat on the sofa and patted the place next to her. T perched on the very outer edge of it. She pulled some big charts closer, clicked her biro, and got down to business.

While they were talking softly, Joel and I sat on the other sofa, facing them across the coffee table, and soon I could feel him slowly tapping away at my ankle with his foot. The bastard was trying to make me giggle. I slid my hand along until it was next to his leg and pinched hard, then smiled with satisfaction when he gave a yelp which he tried and failed to smother. I looked over at T. At least he was managing to look serious. I strained to hear what they were saying;

“You’re very sensitive”

I nudged Joel and made a face at him. She was talking such bollocks!

“You’re going to spend your life travelling – you’ll be restless – always looking for something. You’re very artistic and talented”

I whispered under my breath,

“She means piss artist.”

I was thrilled because my joke made Joel laugh, which he had to turn into a really fake sounding cough. Pam looked up,

“Your turn next Joel.”

I stuck my foot out to trip him up, but he managed to dodge it, kicking me as he got off the sofa. T looked relieved when he came over and sat down next to me, and also slightly red. We both watched as she took down Joel’s time and place of birth, and plotted them on her charts. She was speaking more softly and we had to really concentrate, but even then we only caught a few snatches

“A Leo – I might have guessed.”

She sounded so pleased with herself it was quite nauseating. I rolled my eyes at T.

She stopped talking and bent over the charts again, then looked up and said

“Oh yes I see – you are the peacemaker…the loving….” Her voice petered out

“Will I be travelling too? I quite fancy that” Joel said encouragingly

“Yes, yes…” Suddenly she sounded all bright and confident again – but too bright –almost as if she were talking to a small child – telling him what he wanted to hear. Patronising cow! How dared she!

“Many travels, much laughter and joy….a very bright future – yes!”

“She’s fucking making it up”, I thought. “What a rip off!”

I looked at T to see if he’d noticed but he was cleaning his nails with a match stick .

When Joel stood up finally, and we switched places, I could smell the patchouli she was wearing – it wasn’t nice, and I also slid away as far as I could.

“Date of birth?”

She held her pen poised.

While she was writing everything down to make the calculations, I stuck my tongue out at Joel and T, then put it quickly back in again as she looked up. I had lost all faith in her after seeing how she’d spoken to Joel, but I still couldn’t help being a little bit fascinated in what she might say about me.

“Ah a Libra…..balance is everything”

I could hear T clearing his throat loudly and I shot him a look

“Now this is interesting – you had magic powers of some kind in a previous life”

“You mean like a witch or something?”

I looked at Joel and T who were both openly smirking and regretted saying anything

“Yeah well – I know who I’d turn into a frog first off.” I glared at them both.

Pam started folding up the charts and pursed her lips together

“You’re not taking this very seriously are you?”

Joel instantly tried to make things better;

“Pam we’re so grateful - it was fascinating – thanks very much. Would you like us to drop some grass round later in the week?”

She looked happier then, Joel was so good at that sort of thing. It wasn’t my fault anyway – how was I to know she’d be so touchy?

We all kept a dignified silence as we went down the stairs, but the minute we got out onto the street again they started, as I knew they would. T turned to Joel, his eyes sparkling,

“She’s a witch, burn her!”

Then Joel put his hand down the back of my neck to tickle me

“Oh yes! She’s definitely a witch – burn her!”

I absolutely hated it when they teased me. I told Joel to fuck off and thumped him as hard I could, and then I kicked T’s leg, because he’d started it, and then we crossed the road and began the walk back home to Joe’s, trying to think what else we could pad the grass out with.