http://www.flickr.com/photos/curve/3881044088/
How much fucking longer are we going to have to stand here? My face is beginning to hurt. Jesus, as if it wasn’t bad enough already, she bloody chose this prat to do the photos. Another idea from ‘bride” magazine or whatever that pile of useless crap is called. There are so many in the bedroom now, I can’t get to the wardrobe anymore. Or maybe her mother talked her into it. Wouldn’t put it past her. Interfering bitch.
It was meant to be simple. Hah. Simple my arse. But it’s not simple at all. Not in any way. And it’s too late to say anything. I should have…I couldn’t have… I couldn’t. I knew though – I knew the minute she came through arrivals. That cold dread that ran through me when I saw her. .I knew then and I should have said something but I couldn’t hurt her like that. All those thousands of miles, all those hopes, that happiness in her voice when I suggested it. I didn’t know it would be like this. This just makes it worse – the flowers, the dress, him over there, prancing around with his light meters and whatnot.
Look at her. She is loving being the star of the occasion. Look how her face is lit up. That’s not all tungsten you know. Imagine how she’d be if I’d said something – if I’d told her how I felt. You see? It wasn’t possible. Who could do that to someone? It’s not like it’s her fault or anything.
God there was no one I could even talk to about it. We don’t do we? Men, I mean. We put our mobiles on the bar, and we eye up the birds, and we talk about sport. We don’t talk about feelings – not like they do. I tried once – he’s a good mate – got married himself not so long ago. He slapped me on the back and said, “Nerves, Dave – that’s all it is. You’ll be fine. Let me get you another – what was it?”
Gave up after that, but it won’t go away. It’s there each morning when I wake up, and it’s there last thing at night; the panic. I’m a good guy. I thought I was anyway, but if I’m so good how can I be doing this? How could I hurt her though? She would be destroyed. How could I do that to someone?
Well, it’s done now. I’ve gone and fucking done it. When David Bailey over there has finished, we have the reception to get through. Guess if I drink enough it won’t be so bad. Yes it will. What have I done? Oh shit what have I done?
Maybe I can make it work. Maybe – maybe it won’t be so bad. I like her – who wouldn’t? Look at that face. She’s beautiful – everyone says so. She’s a wonderful person – bright, happy, good job. It’s just – it’s just – wrong. I have lied so often I can hardly bring myself to say the truth – ok – here goes – I just don’t love her. Not like that. I like her, but I don’t love her. Fuck that sounds dreadful. What kind of bastard says that on their wedding day eh?
Just drifted into it – let myself get carried along – it’s no excuse is it? God I am a bastard. Too late now for all that. I’ll try. Maybe it won’t matter. Maybe the friendship will turn into love. Sometimes it does, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?
I still don’t believe what I’ve just done. It doesn’t feel real. Each vow we had to repeat – it was like slapping her in the face. Felt so bad. We held hands awkwardly at the end. Then the kiss of death on that soft cheek. How could I? I just didn’t know – never thought you could get caught up like this – let things get so far.
Too late now. Make the best of it. Only thing I can do. I’ll try so hard. Maybe we can make it work.
“Excuse me mate, my shoulder’s gone numb against this beam. Are we wrapping it up soon? I think the reception’s about to start”
Comments
Sikander | September 3, 2009 - 19:35
I don't think you should abandon Flickr or the IP when it produces work like this! A great take on the photo and a great read. Thanks.
insertponceyfre... | September 3, 2009 - 19:55
thank you sikander! I really did mean to write about something completely different though. Also I hope the photographer never finds out I trashed his photo - or that poor couple
mouffette | September 3, 2009 - 20:17
Bonjour Poncey French Name. I too like weddings and intend to have one every week. Do you know of a fast acting and undetectable poison? One with effects like an attack by a wild boar or an emigration to Australia?
I too have a poncey French name. Mine is Mouffette. What is yours?
insertponceyfre... | September 3, 2009 - 20:24
i believe there is something they blow out of hollowed out sticks in various south american tribes that is both fast acting and undetectable. However i doubt it would give the effects you are looking for.
perhaps a hit man would give you better and more reliable results all round, and maybe if you intend this to be a weekly occurrence perhaps you could even negotiate a bulk discount.
yes, you also have a poncey french name, but mine is most definitely the winner in the poncey stakes.
insertponceyfre... | September 3, 2009 - 20:29
oh I felt sorry for him margot!
glad you liked reading it : )
sunshine | September 3, 2009 - 20:34
Great read and not for a moment did I feel sorry for him. Margot
Ewan | September 4, 2009 - 07:03
Hmmm.... Again, this shows how writing can develop IPFNH; you are getting out of your head and into someone else's. Flickr has obviously helped you do that. That's what fiction is. I don't - necessarily- think that you should feel sorry for the man, but I do think you need to be able to be able to walk in a character's shoes, as it were, to make him or her believable.
Margot's reaction is fair enough and certainly one that this character might be expected to elicit. However, if you went into writing this piece with that attitude it would not have been half as effective. Indeed, perhaps you couldn't have written it all.
La Petite Demoiselle Mouffette,
s'assit sur une Touffette,
mangeant son Crapaud et Pain.
Vint une araignée
qui avait l'air soignée
et la mangea - elle avait faim.
insertponceyfre... | September 4, 2009 - 07:32
ok, not sorry for, but sympathetic to - also case of people living in glasshouses etc. Actually, still sorry for in a way, because he isn't doing wrong intentionally, he is just putting his head in the sand and I can understand that, and who knows the other side? there is always in a relationship; maybe she's complicit in some way?
yes - I'm enjoying trying not to inflict my prejudices on the people I invent. it's interesting seeing if I can. This one was easier than others I tried though
little miss M has an interesting approach to life doesn't she : )
Ewan | September 4, 2009 - 07:34
Oui,
but it is French for Skunk, as you no doubt know.
insertponceyfre... | September 4, 2009 - 07:36
no I didn't, but I guessed who it was from the style!
Ewan | September 4, 2009 - 07:39
I love Skunk's posts... like on all writing sites people tend to take themselves a little too seriously at times - and I definitely include myself in that sweeping generalisation.
insertponceyfre... | September 4, 2009 - 07:44
i love them too - they make me laugh
insertponceyfre... | September 4, 2009 - 14:54
thanks for the cherry! xx
sunshine | September 4, 2009 - 17:09
Well done for getting story of the week. Well deserved. Margot
insertponceyfre... | September 4, 2009 - 17:12
thank you margot! xxx
sarah wilson | September 5, 2009 - 05:58
A great story insert. Congrats on story of the week, well deserved I think. I had sympathy for him and wanted to slap him at the same time. Very well drawn character.
sarah x
insertponceyfre... | September 5, 2009 - 06:34
thank you so much sarah - sympathy/slapping - we have all been dickheads at one point in our life (I know i have)
hope you're feeling better. Saw a big headline somewhere "purple is the new black", so you are ahead of the crowd : )
threeleafshamrock | September 5, 2009 - 16:53
Teriffic read and just the right length too ;)
insertponceyfre... | September 5, 2009 - 17:00
thank you 3leaf!
niki72 | September 6, 2009 - 11:41
This is a great bit of writing and feels very believable. I may have a go at the Flickr idea myself - a great way of inspiring new ideas and characters.
insertponceyfre... | September 6, 2009 - 11:57
thanks niki - the flickr idea is brilliant - definitely have a go
Frances Macaula... | September 29, 2009 - 02:40
As a visually oriented writer, I completely see your inspiration and applaud your result. It's a sideways slice-of-life look - again very conversational style but could be part of the book or the 'Diary of a Late Nite Trier' I suggested on another piece of writing.
Another well-deserved cherry.
insertponceyfre... | September 29, 2009 - 02:54
thank you Frances -I loved doing those flickr pieces, I'm glad you enjoyed the result