I am going mad – seriously. There is so much to do and he won’t do any of it. Forms are unfilled, bank accounts unopened. Instead of tidying up, organising, collecting clothes that won’t ever be worn again, so that I can take them to a charity shop, he just adds new ones to his wardrobe, so it’s overflowing. Stuff falls off hangers and onto the floor, cats creep in and make little nests in the piles of tshirts and shirts. There’s a mug in there – I know for a fact that it hasn’t been downstairs for at least a month – probably longer.
The more I ask, the less he will do. I say, “Please empty the bins.” He says “later”, and when, much, much later he still hasn’t done it, and I ask again, because it’s overflowing, it develops into a full blown argument and he insists that later could mean anything up to midnight. Then, deliberately, he waits until midnight exactly, to do it – to prove the point. I know because the sound of it wakes me up – I think it wakes everyone on the street up, and in the morning I find he’s left the gate swinging wide open because it was too dark at midnight to see to close it properly. Then I get angry all over again
I ask him to hang washing on the line outside, and he does it so badly that ten minutes later it’s all fallen off again onto the grass. So I sigh, then I go out and show him how to do it properly and stand watching while he does it again. It would be so much easier to do it all myself.
I want to take some time to think about what I’ll do next – but there never is any time, because we have to buy suits and ties and cufflinks – things I have no idea about, We trawl up and down Oxford Street, and Carnaby Street and I slump in corners in Urban Outfitters and Uniqlo waiting while he tries things on, and it’s always the men’s department, and they play such shit music, and we can’t split up and meet later because he forgot to charge his phone so he’ll never find me again. Besides, he wants me to tell him if it looks okay – not that he’ll pay any attention to what I say.
He needs lifts all over the place. Every day there seems to be another goodbye party for someone or other – they’re almost all going – and every party means a pile of crumpled shirts– jackets that just didn’t look quite right. Then he comes home in the morning looking like death, eats three pieces of toast and marmite, and falls asleep until late afternoon, so that’s another day wasted. I am sick of it.
This morning though, a small passage jumps out at me from the newspaper. I don't know why, I think I flung it down in frustration and it flapped open at the obituary section, and it’s not the regular kind of obituary, it’s a little rhyme – a nursery rhyme – Billy boy, Billy boy, riding through the glen – and it has a name and dates – 1992 – 1995, and I stop for a minute because it’s almost the same birth date as my son. I think about the people phoning to place the notice every year since then, perhaps watching while other boys the same age passed all their milestones. Then something catches in my throat, and for a while I don’t mind any of it.
Comments
Highhat | September 21, 2010 - 13:11
It was a sorry way to become aware of what she has. I suppose that's the way it goes. It would be the worst thing to happen but I can see he is a bit of a bother at times ;) I just washed 4 machines full of clothes for my son. Phew what a load !But he is very appreciative and doesn't live at home!
russiandoll | September 21, 2010 - 13:22
This is lovely :) You are so right, every now and then we get a poignant reminder of how very lucky we are and it helps to put everything else in perspective. A perfectly written account of some of what it is to try and train a boy into becoming a man :)
insertponceyfre... | September 21, 2010 - 16:43
four machine loads of clothes for your son and he doesn't live at home? Goodness Pia, you are a nicer person than me! Thanks for reading my story
thank you too russiandoll I'm glad you enjoyed it - also that you understood about the perspective
insertponceyfre... | September 21, 2010 - 20:43
it is THE most frustrating thing in the world - not doing it all myself. My ambition for him is that he doesn't end up like a boy in a friend's hall of residence who set the fire alarms off at one in the morning trying to cook fish fingers in a toaster. He had no clue. : )
rjnewlyn | September 21, 2010 - 20:56
Yes it's very hard, but the right thing. Wonderful this - very well put. And I agree about the music in the clothes shops. I'd be brain dead after 30 minutes in those places. Much better to stick to Oxfam and have nothing worse than cheesy stuff on Classic FM ...
Rob
insertponceyfre... | September 21, 2010 - 21:05
thanks Rob, glad you agree about the music. Topman in Oxford Circus is the absolute worst. i have spent much too long there lately. Oxfam sounds much much better
celticman | September 21, 2010 - 21:16
Ha, you really love it all and you'll miss it. Just you wait and see! how do you cook fish fingers in a toaster?
insertponceyfre... | September 21, 2010 - 21:22
you can't - that's why all the fire alarms went off
rjnewlyn | September 21, 2010 - 22:00
My Korean friend says the Oxford Street Topman is one of the best known UK destinations in his country. It's a funny old world ...
MistakenMagic | September 22, 2010 - 09:05
I've just returned from London (my last adventure with my best friend before we both leave for uni!) and we spent quite a while in Urban Outfitters :P I love reading these pieces insert, as I'm going through similar motions - just from the opposite perspective! Really well-written piece, and well done on the cherry ;)
Magic xxx
insertponceyfre... | September 22, 2010 - 10:06
rob, please tell your friend that Korea is more than welcome to it.
Magic you're going to York I think? It's the latest of them all to start so three more weeks for you to not open your bank account! Urban Outfitters is a nice shop - it has an even better website if you didn't know- but sitting in the men's dept is very boring if you aren't one. I'm really glad you're enjoying these, thanks for the comment
MistakenMagic | September 22, 2010 - 10:21
It's Durham actually - York was my insurance ;) I go on 3rd of October - but you're right, York really is a late starter!
Magic xxx
maggyvaneijk | September 23, 2010 - 15:57
A fantastic piece, the image of her sitting in the department store is actually more like my boyfriend and I, and then the bit about his phone being out of battery! Spot on :)
The ending of this is what makes it perfect, and I hope that all mothers, even with the most difficult teenagers feel that, if only for a moment.
insertponceyfre... | September 23, 2010 - 17:12
HI Maggy, thanks for commenting. I'm glad someone else gets the flat battery excuse - not just me
darkenwolf | September 28, 2010 - 20:19
Parents have to be accrobats, flip flopping from pride and love to exasperation and back again. I guess it all balances out in the end.
Good story.
insertponceyfre... | September 28, 2010 - 21:18
let's hope so - thanks Darkenwolf
nannabot | December 28, 2010 - 17:17
Hya, I really liked this tale, and see where you're coming from. It seems that instead of my kids leaving the nest, I get more. It's like Kings Cross in my house. However, I love em all and we share a great relationship. You could say, the tables have turned, because they are adults now, and I'm the big kid. Don't ya just love it when that good old karmic wheel turns full circle? He-he. xxxxxfrom Nannabot.
insertponceyfre... | December 28, 2010 - 19:47
nannabot thanks very much for reading and commenting - your house sounds exactly like my house during the holidays. In term time it's now blissfully quiet and I can do exactly as I please.