Fire

“ I don’t think I want to go out with Adam any more”

I could see it sounded slightly lame. I tried again;

“ I mean … I like him as a friend… but I don’t fancy him anymore…..the thing is, all that part…..it just kind of fizzled out. I don’t want to hurt him though….I don’t know what to say….”

Joel made a face at me;

“Tell him you prefer women”

I sighed;

“That’s not exactly helpful is it– he knows it’s not true”,

T was opening a pack of mixed herbs with his teeth. He put it down for a minute;

“Yeah but you could have changed couldn’t you? Look at Summer.”

“Oh fuck off T. I’d rather not look at her.”

I shuddered. Summer was a joke at college and very weird. She’d been Matt’s girlfriend for a few months, and then she’d announced that washing – her hair and the rest of her - was bad for you and she wasn’t going to do it anymore. She’d said the natural oils balanced it all out in the end so you didn’t smell or anything.

When we’d asked Matt if it was true, he’d wrinkled his nose and had said it wasn’t working so far. Shortly after that, they’d split up – hardly a coincidence we’d thought – and then she’d said she preferred women anyway.

“There’s no way he’d believe me is there? And then I’d have to pretend to be a lesbian the whole rest of the time I’m at college. It wouldn’t work.”

T shrugged,

“Well I don’t know then. Now what else can we add”?

He turned his attention back to the pile of grass on the plastic bag. We didn’t have nearly enough things to pad it out before selling it.

“Let’s leave it and go out” said Joel, picking up his keys, “free drinks at the Hollybush. I want to get there before they run out.”

It was a lovely walk to Hampstead – we were in the middle of a heatwave, and it was still warm outside even though it was late. When we got to the Hollybush it was very crowded. The pub fronted onto a little cobbled courtyard, and people spilled out into the open air with their drinks; we knew almost everyone there. The word had spread about the free drinks and the queue for the bar was endless. Joel nudged T.

“Go on - order six drinks – I reckon that’s all we’re good for. You’ve got the sharpest elbows. We’ll wait out here. I’m not fucking going in.”

T plunged into the crowd and Joel and I stayed outside. We found a little corner and sat on the ground. Joel lit a cigarette and threw the pack to me;

‘Have you seen the armchair yet?”

I looked at him,

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“The armchair – in Archway. Ad’s mum wrote a book, only it didn’t sell, so Ad and Matt made a giant armchair with the remaindered copies in the cellar; you can actually sit on it. She wasn’t very nice to them you know – she lost it a bit when she got divorced. That’s why they went to that boarding school. He makes out he’s tough but he isn’t really”

I lit my cigarette and thought for a minute. I really didn’t want to hurt Adam but I couldn’t go out with him forever just because I felt sorry for him;

“What was the book called?”

Joel scratched his head;

“How Working Mothers Cope” or something like that”

We sat silently, and smoked our cigarettes for a while.

“Oi! Move along”

I looked up and T was standing there, looking really pissed off. He passed down our drinks and then sat between us when we’d made a space

“Fucking bastard landlord wouldn’t give me any more than three. Last time I’m coming here. Bar’s full of fifteen year olds anyway. Jesus, they’ll let anyone in now”

He took a sip from his bottle of lager

“Why don’t we go up the heath for a smoke after this? There’s no way we’ll get any more drinks – it’s heaving in there”

Strolling over to Hampstead Heath, soon after, I began to forget about my problem. It was such a beautiful night – it was too hot to sleep, so lots of people were up there walking, even though it was quite late. There was a full moon too, and by its light you could see all the grass had been bleached yellow and brown from the lack of rain.

We found a little out of the way spot, next to some undergrowth, where we could get some shelter from the slight breeze and not be seen, and Joel rolled a joint while T held a lighter so he could see better. As we smoked, we lay on our backs, looking up at stars.

“Whooh I saw a shooting one!” said Joel and he pointed. I sat up, scanning the sky

“Where? I can’t see anything”

Then I heard a crackling noise and looked over at T. He was sitting up too, playing with the lighter against the dry undergrowth; setting fire to little twigs and throwing them into the hedge. I laughed at the little sparks as they flew into the dark, watching their bright glow. It was so pretty.

Joel stood up and started singing Fire really badly, dancing like a maniac, his gangly limbs sticking out all over the place, and T. rugby tackled him so he fell over and then we both tickled him to make him stop, laughing hysterically – we both knew exactly the right places to aim for.

We were so preoccupied no one noticed the little flames whipping up into much bigger ones. When we finally did, T jumped up and tried to stamp them out; we joined him, but it was no good; and the whole bush suddenly flared up – it had all been so tinder dry. Quite quickly, it spread to others nearby and we moved away – there was no point going too close – even from where we stood you could feel the heat. I looked over at Joel and T and saw their faces all lit up by the flames. I think we were all a bit shocked, and no one said anything for a minute. Then we heard a siren, quite nearby, and a voice shouted something, and it all began to turn into a bit of a nightmare.

“Leggit”, T. said, and we ran, but whichever direction we ran in , there was always a large, official looking torch shining at the end of it. I couldn’t see the people holding them, but I just knew they had to be in a uniform of one kind or another. Soon I was separated from the others, disoriented, still stoned, very out of breath and terrified.

The moon had gone behind a cloud and I couldn’t see a thing. My foot must have caught in a rabbit hole, because the next thing that happened was I twisted my ankle, scraping my knee as I fell. I got slowly up and limped on, gasping for breath. Suddenly there was another little dip and I was walking on tarmac again. The moon came out again and I could see a figure looming up out of the darkness. Amazingly it was T, trying to walk nonchalantly – I am not sure which of us was more scared to see the other.

“Walk normally – act as if you’re out for a stroll” he hissed

“Where’s Joe?” I hissed back

“Dunno – we’ll stay here till we find him – just walk around, ok?”

It wasn’t long before we saw him, sitting mournfully by the side of the road looking at his leg. He had a big rip in his jeans and you could see blood where he must have got scratched by brambles. We hobbled painfully back down to the Finchley Road, giggling every now and then at our lucky escape.

As soon as we went into Joel’s bedroom I saw the message pinned to the cork noticeboard. It had my name along the top, underlined, and it said “call Matt as soon as you get home”. I dialled the number, my fingers shaking, and Spider answered. He said Matt was still at the hospital. Adam had come off his bike on the Hendon Way and was quite badly hurt. He didn’t know exactly what had happened, but he said Matt would be home in the morning and would ring to let me know. I didn’t know what to say; I covered my face with my hands for a minute and suddenly felt stone cold sober. Then I took my hands away, and told the others.