So...fucked up again have you? Not surprising is it – really, not when you consider everything. Story of your life and all that. Anyway – you’ve had your chances haven’t you – how old are you again? Yes I thought so – time to give it rest. Look in the mirror – really look I mean. See? They’re being polite – you know that really, don’t you, deep down. Don’t you.
Anyway – where was I? Time to give it a rest – yes that’s it. Give up the big ideas – it’s not as if anything will come of them, not now. Tapping away all the time like that – bit pointless really. Yes I know that’s what they say, but you know as well as I do that they’re just .. trying to be nice - polite. Maybe they feel a little bit sorry for you? Best leave that kind of thing to people who really know what they’re doing. There must be something more suitable you can think of – some – hobby – something fun – a craft perhaps.
And as for him – I think the best thing you could do is forget about him – you know it’s not going to work out. If he ever loved you – he certainly doesn’t now. You’re not exactly top of his list are you, and that’s not going to change. Those long silences…look this is as hard for me to say as it is for you to hear but someone’s got to. End it. Give up. It would be easy now – just stop writing - let it peter out – you’ll soon forget. There’s bound to be someone more suitable, settled, local perhaps?
Now, as for ...what?...where are you going? What does that mean? Shake your head all you like – it’s not going to change things – you know it’s the truth. Ok, go on, walk away then, but I’ll always be here – always, deep down
Comments
Beeme | December 19, 2010 - 19:52
wow very powerful Insert. I enjoyed greatly.
Beeme xx
insertponceyfre... | December 19, 2010 - 21:54
thanks very much beeme
Highhat | December 19, 2010 - 22:12
Yes very powerful Insert. I liked it very much
;)Pia
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 07:55
thank you Pia
shoe | December 20, 2010 - 09:42
I guess deep down we all have a voice, yours sounds a bit brutal, tell 'em to put a sock in it. and do not get a "hobby".
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 10:32
thanks for reading Shirley - I never said I payed any attention to what it said : )
jennifer | December 20, 2010 - 11:09
Haha, you can't stop that voice, he wasn't worth it, and J K Rowling was turned down by nine publishers before Bloomsbury took on 'Harry Potter'! Keep writing!
Love the stream-of-consciousness here - was the lack of a full stop at the end intentional? If not, it works anyway!
One niggle - to be correct, ellipsis has only three dots (...).
p.s. just a thought - I know you have hit the '18' rated button, which is great, but when the poem is displayed on the site, the teaser box displays the first part, which contains a 'fucked', thereby negating any intended protection the '18' button offered to our younger readers. Perhaps a new teaser?
J x
MistakenMagic | December 20, 2010 - 11:53
A brilliant internal monologue, insert. We all have voices like this - and well done you for ignoring it and living your life exactly the way you want!
Magic xxx
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 12:55
Thanks for reading jennifer, and good point about the teaser - I've changed it. Also the ellipsis (had to google that!) - very grateful for the comment.
thank you too Magic, I'm really glad you liked it!
jennifer | December 20, 2010 - 12:58
No worries, am a bit of a grammar nazi at times, glad I could help!
J x
celticman | December 20, 2010 - 13:04
from grammar nazis to head-fuck very moving.
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 13:14
grammar nazis are good! Glad you liked it celticman
Sooz006 | December 20, 2010 - 13:19
Haha, you have him too? He's a busy fella that Voice. Best about it is, he's indelible, you can't get rid of him and let's face it, what would you do with your hands if you did? very, Talking Heads. Liked this, insert.
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 14:25
thank you Sooz - I would quite like to get rid of mine actually!
insertponceyfre... | December 20, 2010 - 17:50
thanks for reading blighters - it's interesting that almost all the women who've commented have said they have similar voices - none of the men though.. (not sure what that says about all of us)
I don't hate self-help books, but I've never read one! I did open one once but that was because it was written by two old schoolfriends and I was amazed that they managed to remain upright long enough to write anything. I don't think it did very well.
Looking forward to reading your story - and thanks for commenting!
kheldar | December 23, 2010 - 17:20
I really enjoyed this, very well written.
:--)
rjnewlyn | December 23, 2010 - 23:43
Well I certainly get the voice loud and clear most days. Does that mean I'm in touch with my feminine side? The best points in life are not when the voice has gone away but when you can laugh at it (it really hates that).
Rob
Seeker | December 25, 2010 - 13:16
Your piece struck a few chords in me, insert. I have that voice in me most of the time; from niggling doubt to downright destruction. A sort of wagging finger, deciding if what I've written is good or bad. I've given up writing a few times, convinced that I was wasting my time. Yet ideas keep welling up from within and I'm faced with the dilemma of denying them or giving them expression.
It's a demon all creative people have, to some extent. I'm glad you're able to fight yours down.
Important insight, well written.
Seeker
insertponceyfre... | December 25, 2010 - 16:56
Thanks very much for reading and commenting Kheldar
Thank you Rob! I think laughing at it is definitely a good idea - or sticking two fingers up at it. Either would work.
thank you too Seeker - I am really glad you fight yours down too