Waste Disposal (IP)

It’d been slow up till then. It always is on market days, because most people round here still like to trundle into town and combine everything – they spend the day shopping, visiting the dentist, getting their hair cut, perhaps lunch at one of the pubs, and a trip to the bank. No time for waste disposal. It’s not bad when that happens. It means the feral cats spend more time with us; they tend to hide when we have too many customers – when it’s just me and Maureen they’re all over us. Ever so sweet they are – the mum, and the five kittens – they’re at that leggy stage now – almost full grown but not yet filled out. The things they get up to – well, they’d make anyone laugh. And the amount they eat! Costs us a fortune, because we’re not going to give them any old crap. Sometimes our regulars bring a little something with them – old Bert from King’s on Market Hill – he buys plaice from the fish van that comes up from Yarmouth – specially, just for them! Amazing isn’t it. They have quite a fan following.

We can spend time out the back too when it’s not busy – behind the portakabin. No-one ever goes there except us and the cats – it’s wasteland. Was. Not being wasted now. It’s very sheltered you see? Perfect. And we have all the Greentop soil improver. Two quid a bag to the public, but no-one notices if we take a few ourselves. Very handy, just to pop round the back like that. Who’s going to see eh? Ever so easy to harvest, and then when we aren’t too busy one of us nips in the portakabin and skins up. Lovely it is – sitting on the steps all mellow, nice cup of tea, watching the kittens. Pay’s not bad either, because it’s classed as an undesirable job.

So anyway where was I? - oh yes, market day, a slow day. Until he arrives. Came in a 240 estate. We still get a lot of those round here, what with the antiques dealers and the like – you see them all over the place – they’re such good workhorses aren’t they? Stuffed full, the boot was, and that’s saying something because you can get just about anything in a Volvo can’t you. I remembered who he was the minute he got out of course. You never forget a face. Or anything else. Even when it’s been years.

It’s the only all female waste disposal in the county I believe, We’re quite proud of that. Been in The East Anglian and everything. They did a full page on us a few years back. “A woman’s touch” – and they sent a photographer down. It was quite exciting. We like it to stay that way too – a bit of a closed shop. It’s how we can carry on with ….. our little contribution to a kinder world every now and again – that’s how we like to think of it. Not very often – you couldn’t because people would begin to notice; just often enough, and of course we only do it with the losers and the class A bastards. Waste disposal. Doesn‘t cost a penny either, because we grow it all round the back next to the wacky baccy. I didn’t mention the special herbs before did I? Maureen’s half Romany – they know a thing or two. That soil improver’s very good indeed. I’d better let her know to put the kettle on.

He’d changed of course. Bastards like him, they don’t age well, and of course the drink doesn’t help. Still fancies himself though. God knows why. I can’t imagine he sees what all the rest of us see when he looks in the mirror. Bloated face. Jowls. Broken veins. Not nice. And he’s kept the sideburns. That’s a mistake when you’ve lost so much on top. They don’t do him any favours. Did. Hardly matters now.

Mo says they don’t feel anything, well hardly anything. No need to be uncivilised about it just because they’re lowlife. We don’t go down to their level. A nice cup of tea with us – that’s easy – they never say no to anything that type - then a slight headache, that’s all. And then sleepy. It’s very quick. The lifting’s not a problem of course – what do you think we spend all day doing? Those fridges don’t move themselves you know.

The cars are easy enough to take care of. Drive them off to a little place we know in Norfolk. Nobody ever finds anything in Norfolk – it’s that kind of place, you know? Very quiet. And as for the rest…. well, we’re waste disposal aren’t we? It goes off every Thursday in the big trailer with the rest of the rubbish.