Receiver (26th June 2008, 12.34pm)
Your eyes, fragile blue, wilting over
a frozen smile, lips locked in anger,
unable to alter.
You can’t, quite, bring yourself to move,
ground-rooted, motionless to disprove
what must be a lie.
My love, flounders in the pool of gilt
guilt, molten truth nudges at your toes
trying to move you.
I speak, soundless words of protest,
for I can’t quite believe myself either
now I’ve spilt it.
Your hands, make fists, then relax
another broken television might be
the consequence.
You are, more than, the sum of my
parts, built up to this statue I cannot
bow down to now.
I am, not what I set out to become,
feathers unstuck, wings damaged,
oil-slicked bird.
We are, set apart from time and space,
the look on your face says more than
articulation.
Comments
jennifer | June 26, 2008 - 11:43
Okay, here is where I go all self-rebellious and start adding extraneous commas to indicate pauses. Does it work or do I need a self-slap from Wicth Bitch?
animan | June 26, 2008 - 11:52
Nah, it totally works. Tell Witch Bitch to eff off!
Dynamaso | June 27, 2008 - 00:58
Phew, there are some truly powerful lines in this Jen. The last 3 stanzas are my favourites.
I'm not sure about all the commas myself, but then, I'm not a fan of too much punctuation in poetry anyway (as you know). I find them a little distracting.
Fantastic work, though.
Foster | June 27, 2008 - 01:55
I found the commas distracting and thought maybe line breaks would work better.