Sins on my knees (27th May 2008, 12.15am)
Knees hurt, sore on stone cold floor,
I beg for more, impassioned and alert;
My body and my blood I offer up;
I raise my hands that hold my heart
So far above, looking down on the world
Like a song bird, stuck on one sweet note
Until I cut its throat to still the echoes
Of a love that makes me gag and choke.
I’ll match my sin to yours, if you’ll let me;
Make a deal with God that he’ll forget me
While you hold my head in both your hands,
Closed eyes, Moses seeking the Promised Land
As you make me swallow your warm lies;
Lovers’ promises caught in their sexual disguise,
Sneaking into minds that bend to stronger wills;
My knees creak as you seek your thrills
In my throat. Afterwards, I kneel, remote
As you pray for the sins that made me choke.
Comments
Ewan | May 27, 2008 - 11:32
Very skilfully done.
I imagine some will be deeply shocked who are drawn in by the choice of 'spiritual' for the genre, in spite of the teaser and the 18 rating.
I particularly liked this couplet.
'As you make me swallow your warm lies;
Lovers’ promises caught in their sexual disguise,'
although I might lose 'their'.
Some one either
a)is
b)will be
c)might one day when you meet them be
very lucky.
A most enjoyable poem,
regards
Ewan
LawOfTheOne | May 27, 2008 - 13:24
Liked this very much.
Use of rhyme was very effective I thought.
Nice idea you've come up with for this poem.
And now I'm off to say 10 hail marys and beg for forgiveness for having read it. :)
jennifer | May 27, 2008 - 22:52
Thank you for the comments and compliments...
I chose spiritual as the genre because it is spiritually themed - I suppose the term 'spiritual' is open to interpretation much like any other word! And shocking people is part of being a writer, isn't it?
Lucky? Hmmm, maybe! *evil chuckle*
You are forgiven...
Doeslittle | May 27, 2008 - 23:15
I liked this, something very stark about it. Particularly though, I liked the rhythm of it, very skilfully written as Ewan said.
jennifer | May 27, 2008 - 23:41
Praise indeed from you, Doeslittle, thank you. Dead chuffed with the response from this one!