before you smile again

before you smile again 14th April 2008, 10.32pm

a sense of déjà vu
your eyes give you away
I can read you like a book
I can’t put down
marking the page

and in your smile I drown
your pure white teeth of lies
laid out in rows like graves
in sweet uneven lines

you reflect the way I look
in mirrors, I hate to stare
you know the effect you have on me
before I feel it myself, so unfair

you’re holding all the cards
you’re better at the game
I bow out, put my hand down
but cannot turn away

I’m a puppet on a string
you give me a part to play
I dance and leap and sing
it’s all an act to save my face

I’ve read these lines before
I’ve stood on this same stage
and as the audience applaud
the musicians turn the page
and hit the overture

before you smile again

you don’t need those words
you’re handing out like flyers
ugly little things
printed little liars

you’re setting me alight
my eyes and heart on fire
but I cannot feel the heat
my skin is far too tired

you’re one step too far ahead
I’ve fallen in behind
you’re walking away too fast
I can see you growing blind

and on your perfect smile
shatters my imperfect love
breaking on your lips
I’m watching from above
like a bird flying

I lift my hollow bones
air my fragile wings
is this how we live
to learn these things?

I’ve renewed my card
I’ve paid my library fines
I still don’t know the end
I couldn’t read between your lines

before you smile again

I’m going to fly away
I couldn’t bear you to look back
open your smile to say
goodbye

before you smile again

I bathe myself in tears
I wash away the pain
in salted crusty fears
letting myself rain

before you smile again

wistful of allure
I have never seen that smile of yours
before