Our night in

there was a momentary silence. my body began to shake involuntarily
in a nervous laugh. i couldn't see the others to gauge their reactions
so i was just waiting for someone to do or say something to pull
together what had just happened - so it would make sense. teri was the
first to speak and her voice was calm, with each word carefully
measured: steve. open the door... there was a distorted beavis and
butthead impression from the other side: huh huh huh cool...
oh shit murmured tox from somewhere beyond teri. ben mate- he's not
going to let us out you know. there was an unintelligible reply. i
think ben was the most wasted in retrospect, which i didn't notice at
the time, or at least denied it to myself - after all, ben had always
been my ultimate slacker-dope-fiend hero, something i aspired
to...
teri sounded like something was winding up tighter and tighter inside
her as she tried to be authoritative. no steve, I mean it... steve i'm
being fucking serious... let us out you BASTARD!
twang. as teri's tension burst, i flinched at the new, harsh edge which
had invaded our previously chilled-out atmosphere. it seemed that steve
didn't like it either, as we heard him stagger out of the room. shit!
shit! said teri but it seemed to be very much a personal crisis as me,
ben and tox were fairly much numbed to the situation. teri spoke again,
but in the way that wasted people often do, she seemed to have switched
subjects without us; or maybe i'd dozed off or something. anyway, i was
surprised by the sudden someone's elbow is digging into me. i checked
both arms but nope, both were pressed against what seemed to be a
duffel coat or something, in any case, no-one was in it. you're
actually really hurting me nagged teri. oh sorry mate mumbled ben who
seemed to be working in slow motion. i felt his breath against my neck
and his body press against mine as he shuffled position to let her
crouch down. maybe teri's moaning wasn't such a bad thing after all. i
squinted in the vain hope that i might be able to make out his face -
were those his teeth? was he grinning at me? i gave up and closed my
eyes where i could see him much better. its funny how when you picture
someone its precisely that, a static picture in your head, and usually
exactly the same one. well that's how it is in my head anyway. i was
enjoying my standard picture of him, head slightly dipped, deep brown,
melting eyes, mouth teased up in a smirk, a wickedly sexual
pose&;#8230;then my head started to spin so my eyes were reluctantly
opened once again.
it had been his suggestion to get in the wardrobe and for some reason
that had been a perfectly logical idea to us. it wasn't that we were
hiding, i don't think anyone even noticed that steve wasn't in the
room. maybe we had been trying to get to narnia; i wouldn't be
surprised. but i know that i was secretly hoping that ben was trying to
get me into a confined space, finally realising that i was totally
perfect for him, something i had been trying to convince all my friends
for ages. yeah, that would be it, at last he realised the error of his
ways. i edged forward to lean on him a little more, knocking someone's
leg on the floor. i flinched, waiting for teri's tirade of abuse...
nothing. it must have been tox, who was softly snoring already, bless.
i felt very vulnerable, i guess i was feeling guilty for trying to be
so devious - i'm not the world's best flirt, but this situation was
soooo perfect. and it was so surreal i didn't care any more, i didn't
care what happened and i certainly didn't care about the other two. i
nudged his shoulder with my head; ok not very seductive but i wasn't in
a fit state to be a supervixen. i was touched by his breath again.
omigod omigod omigod pulsed my head in harmony with my heartbeat, this
is it!
if i have any regrets in my life, one of them is not being able to
remember that snog. it really can't have been that great, we both must
have tasted of beer, baccy and gear and i doubt that we were that much
in control of our mouths to have prevented it being sloppy and foul. i
can just remember thinking wow this is real, i'm really snogging ben,
yes! yes! of course it didn't feel real, i suppose that's why i found
my hand inside his shirt and going down - if i was going to realise my
fantasy i might as well do it properly - but he kept stopping me. i
guess i flailed a bit in protest because at one point i accidentally
knocked teri's head but it was such a perfect moment that she just
mumbled mmmm and that was it.
the snog seemed to last for hours, you never notice time when you're in
total bliss, and i was gone, way off on another planet, where i was
actually thinking yeah, he loves me and we're going to have the most
wonderful, intense relationship and we can spend all our time together
and everyone will be jealous of how perfect we are together and...i was
rudely interrupted by a clicking noise and within a second, total
chaos, smash...
blinking my eyes after our crash to the floor i looked to ben but he
must have fallen slightly further than me because instead of his face i
saw a tangle of legs and hair and...i froze, mortified. my dream was
destroyed as i realised why teri had been so quiet...