The girl in the blue dress

It was hard to keep her balance in the sand. Lily Draper walked very slowly, stopping with each step, pretending to take in the scene around her, but really to steady herself and to catch her breath. She looked ahead at where the sun glinted off the water in a million sparkles. It would be good to feel the sea lapping around her tired old feet again. She took another step and this time she had to fling her arms out at either side to keep herself from falling. She was breathing heavily. It was important that she didn’t fall. She wasn’t sure if she could get up again by herself. She had had to discard the walking stick early on. Foolish, really, she thought. She ought to have known it would sink into the soft sand higher up on the beach. Not far now. She waited as some children raced past, closing her eyes until she felt ready to go on. She wondered how long she had and whether Polly Long-Stocking had noticed she was missing yet. That’s what she called her. Interfering old biddy, she thought. One of these ‘do-gooders’ thinking they’re so great spending the day bossing and poking you around. A treat, they called it. More like torture. An outing to the seaside, they said, and then ‘No going onto the sand!’ Well she wasn’t having any of it. The only reason she came along and put up with all the rest was to have a paddle. They hadn’t even given them a chance to finish their fish ‘n chips. Lily was always hungry. They never gave them enough to eat at the Home.

The smell of frying onions wafted down the beach from the burger van on the esplanade. Her mouth filled with saliva and she swallowed and licked her lips, tasting the salt sea air. She could feel the breeze blowing sand against her ankles and took another step forward. The cool water rushed around her feet and she smiled into the sun. The sound of children shrieking as they splashed and played in the distance mingled with the dim roar of the surf and the tinny music from the funfair.

It made her think of Joe and how she had let him walk away. All those years ago. She had thought when she sent him away that he would come back to her again. But she hadn’t counted on his pride. The day they had spent together at the seaside could have been the happiest day of her life - but she never saw Joe again. He went to war and never came back and she had sent him away without a word of love.

Her sad musings were interrupted by a voice at her side.
“Do you need any help?”
She peered up to see a young woman bending over her in concern. She was dismayed to find that in her progress down to the sea, the cheap polyester trousers which she had clumsily rolled up, had unrolled themselves and were catching under her feet. She tried to hold them up at the knees, but found that this was making her overbalance and she had to take a few steps to the side to right herself. Her arm was clasped in a light, supporting grip. Lily's eyesight was so bad now that even with glasses, she could only dimly make out the girl's features, but she could feel the soft curls against her cheek.
“Going for a paddle, Gran?” the girl asked.
“That’s it,” she replied. “A paddle.”
“Here,” said the girl, “Let me fix up your trousers so you don’t trip.”
She bent to her task and the old woman put a hand on the slim shoulder, to steady herself. There was something so familiar about the texture of the material, the colour of the dress. There was a memory there, just below the surface. Somehow the cry of the gulls and the smell of the sea was part of it.
“I had a dress that colour once,” she told the girl. “I used to wear it on my days off. Cornflower blue, they called it.”

They walked slowly along together at the water’s edge. As they went, Lily told the girl how she had come to be on the beach.
“I gave them the slip, you know. They’ll be looking for me,” she said with some satisfaction. “They think I’ve gone to the loo in the hotel caff, but I went out by the garden door down to the seafront. I had to rest on one of them benches on the promenade for a while, and I thought they’d catch up with me there, but no-one came. I took off my shoes and stockings and hid them with my handbag, under the bench.” Her laugh was a cackle. “No fear they’ll get taken. I pity the thief gets them poor things! Oh that’s just lovely,” she said, as the seawater washed over her feet.

She looked down. “You’ve got big feet, like me,” she remarked. “No offence.”
“None taken, Gran,” said the girl.
‘Gran’ indeed, thought Lily. And yet there was something comforting in the girl’s manner, something familiar and old-fashioned that reminded her of her own girlhood.
She closed her eyes in the sunshine, as they paused for a moment. This was what she had come for. It had been too long. Cooped up in that smelly place. Half of them were out of their wits and small blame to them, she thought. Sometimes she thought she’d go mad herself. And they thought they could bring her to the seaside and stick her on a bench all day. Not her. She shifted her position slightly, with some difficulty.
“Here, Gran, you’re sinking!” exclaimed the girl. “Best keep moving.”
She liked the feel of the girl’s strong young arm, supporting her. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by fatigue. They walked on for a bit, but she knew she’d had enough. Time to head back. Her heart sank at the thought.
“I need to go back and sit down, now.” Then, “Don’t ever get old,” she commanded.
“I’ll do my best, Gran,” said the girl, as they turned to face back up towards the esplanade.
“You got a fella?” The old woman enquired.
“Yes, I do,“ said the girl proudly, shaking the curls out of her eyes.
“I don’t get to see him much,” she confided, “Just on my days off.” She paused for a moment, then went on shyly.
“He’s so handsome. Tall and strong - but we had a bit of a falling out today.” She sighed. “So I come for a walk on the beach. He says I‘m too stubborn sometimes - but so is he!” she ended defiantly, and kicked at the sand with a bare foot.
There was silence between them for a while, just the sound of the old woman breathing heavily, concentrating now on each step. Her heart was beating too fast and she was thirsty and hot. She stopped, and put a hand on her side.
“I’m getting a stitch,” said Lily. She stood still, resting.
“I had a fella once. Oh yes, I’ve had my chances. Wouldn’t think it now, would you? I was a looker back then.” She paused. “But I was foolish and I let him go. I could be stubborn, too… all you have in the end is the memories.” Her voice faded.
When they finally reached the bench, she sat down heavily.
“Your things are still there,” said the girl. “Want some help to put on your shoes and stockings?”
“I need to take a breather before I can face that. No, you run along now - and find your fella.”
There is something so familiar about the girl, but she can’t place her. She wants to tell her something, something important, but she can’t remember now.
“You sure you’re all right Gran? You look a bit queer.”
“I’m all right.” If only she could remember. “Just a bit tired, that’s all.”
She hears the music now of an old tune, drifting across the humid air.

“I’ll be your sweetheart, if you will be mine,
All my life, I’ll be your valentine…”

Suddenly Lily reaches out and takes the girl’s hand in a dry, papery clasp. She looks at her closely, squinting behind the thick lenses.
“You take your chances. You hear me?” Her voice is urgent and her grasp tightens. She sits back, exhausted now.
The girl’s face softens and she bends down to kiss the wispy hair.
“I hear you Gran,” she whispers.

*****

It was later in the day and the air was getting cooler, when the ambulance came.
“I seen her there earlier. She comes out of the hotel and sits down on that bench. I figured she wanted a rest. She didn’t look too good. I got a bit of a rush on, then. It’s always busy, bank holidays. I didn’t pay no more attention. But when I seen her there, later on, I got worried. Looked like she hadn’t moved at all. So when I get the chance, I come over. You know, to see if the old girl’s all right? Give me quite a start, it did. Maybe I should have went over sooner.”
“No, you’re all right, mate,” said the paramedic. “Looks like she went in her sleep. Not a bad way to go.”

The man from the burger van nodded, and watched as they transferred her body to the waiting ambulance. Then he walked away slowly to pack up for the day.

*****

Joe watches her walking towards him, across the sunny esplanade, wind blowing her curly hair about her face, making the thin blue material of her dress hug the curves of her body. The band on the esplanade strike up a tune.

“I’ll be your sweetheart, if you will be mine,
All my life, I’ll be your valentine…”

“You look a picture, Lil,” he says admiringly. She smiles, taking his arm, and they walk away together.