This box has been biding its while,
Lid folded, pondering the opening,
patiently on my desk.
a broad oak-wood crafted container
holds my oeuvre; my future.
my hope.
But beauty adorns the outer body too -
and smooth, smoked wood
Bonds my heart to fear.
For I am loath to disturb such
prim perfection;
To break the mind's dim
perception, that a box can offer firm
protection, to my future, my hopes, my dreams...
I am as unpardonable as Pandora,
upon whom curiosity outweighed
concern.
And my room remains
ominously occupied by a box of plain
oil paints.
Gifted an artist,
on a birthday.
Begging to be released
Comments
Doeslittle | March 20, 2008 - 22:39
Very good. Excellent idea, nicely written. Liked it a lot!
Sorry - occupied...Hardly worth mentioning one spelling mistake though. Also you are 'capitalising' some lines and not others in an inconsistent way - is that deliberate? Only 'prim perfection' catches me slightly? I think it works...maybe... the more I think about whether perfection can be prim in terms of a paint box, but not sure.
keleph | March 20, 2008 - 23:05
thanks Doeslittle, i've changed "occupied".
yes, the capitalisation is on purpose. i find i read words differently when they begin with capitals. i dont know if its just me but capitals can give a word importance/positivity or a different pronounciation or even the shape of the word on the paper can effect it. i think :)
eg: " a broad oak..." is a small 'a' because 'A' is more of a tall letter than broad. the line just wouldnt sit right with me otherwise. thanks again.
tcook | March 21, 2008 - 13:10
it's in the first line should be its
ouvre is mis-spelt.
Good though - I like it!
keleph | March 21, 2008 - 14:13
thanks for the comment but please tell me WHY you liked it or disliked it, THEN you can tear into the grammer all you like :)
ps: the "while" is the box's while, so when "this box" is shortened to "it" doesn't the while now belong to "it", therefore needing the apostrophe? im probably wrong but that was my understanding.
Ewan | March 22, 2008 - 09:23
'doesn't the while now belong to it'
Even if it does, it's still 'its': 'its' being the possessive adjective (think 'I' and 'my') of 'it' and not missing any letters, ergo not requiring an apostrophe... Unlike 'it's' which is 'it is' and is missing an 'i', so therefore it does. Fowler's Modern English Usage explains it better.
keleph | March 22, 2008 - 14:30
ok thanks, i've changed it. (pun intended)