The hot froth of nostalgia
saturated my soul,
As old companions clutched
the sweet steel knife of remembrance,
and rent honest my heart.
Though I waited for the hammer
of common-sense and common anger
to fall;
the cold anvil stays good
and sweet relief heeds my call.
Comments
raysawriter | March 10, 2008 - 23:27
hi Keleph
Your poems are deep and evocative, they take a couple of reads to penetrate.
I like this one.
There's just one thing that you might want to think about. The first two stanzas are in the past tense and the final one is in the present. It might be better if they are all in the same tense.
Cheers
Ray
keleph | March 10, 2008 - 23:41
thanks for the comment Ray, glad you like my poems. interesting point on the the stanzas. this is just how it blew from the saxophone at the time and i never realised the difference in tense... il think about it some more... thanks again!