The sun cuts a vicious edge
against the day
causing a fatal wound,
red spills forth overhead
behind witness clouds,
to gather in a crimson puddle
and bring it to an end.
'Til birth!
with eager heads and
eager minds
eager eyes in eager times.
Crowd, around the drip dropping
of the roses,
glare on the glasses
shade, to hide the flair.
Move away, lesser one,
time is getting on.
From tales of the magical
be chased away
down tunnels dark in the mind,
bind together, bind!
repel all denials.
Scream the lungs dry
release the only tear.
Collect the weeping on my scalp,
I'll catch thee yet!
look down while you can
innocent stare
pulsing to a galloping mare
black as the knives
close to the spine.
Take me away.
Howl the rocky cliff
too high to see anyone's end
cold is the mask,
morph and run
catch
demolish the waking batch.
Hope that rainbow
curves my way,
technicolour DNA
around my cannibal heart
of stone.
Mould the future
with cleaver mitts
cut down lives
abyss!abyss!
be bold.
Throw wisdom into the wind
watch the fates
take him close to the bosom,
of the lost.
To be seen,
suits and 'cases
green, blue
and caucasian
beneath a white light.
DROP.
Down and crush
the quickening mush
of hair and toes
God only knows
laugh.
Shadow of the bell-tower
I yell, I tell
ring
again and again
ordering me.
Dug up grave
fresh blood
new clothes
place stones
time is old to the freshest.
Sink fangs
thread the needle
weave a king's robe
fit for me.
Raise the army
the throne, the throne!
kill the pet tiger
earn stripes,
dethrone.
Lest we be foolish
throw it away
down the Hell crack
of never again.
Thinning hair, showing
I'm going, slowly.
Place a crown
spend the untold
gold.
Sing Messiah, sing!
let us kiss thy ring,
drop to the knee
cut, open, trickle.
Rushing rain
pelting insane
Babel all over
tell the best
to lose
in my eyes only.
Yourself be not here
BE GONE
into the night
from my sight,
enter pitch
where free men laugh
and freedom does cry
under the bruising
midnight sky.
Carry clover
and a roar
they won't care.
Wring a neck
mine,
pathway to history
avoid swine,
your sighs
weaken thighs
cry wide:
suicide.
Loading...
loading my coffin into place
oh rhetorical screen
gleen and flicker
blotch my wrinkling skin
and snicker
they must know.
Plunder a blade
send those few thunder,
to the grave
silence is death
matter is dark
man is blacker.
Slowing.
Cells of cancer flowing
freely, out upon the sewer
I once spat in,
now feed in,
soon hide in.
Prime for the main course
on hungry, eager minds
sitting on A4 paper
reading between the lines.
Murmur of age and time
dolmens over
mourners follow
A marching band
of never ceasing sand,
grain by grain
turning me,
cut the wise
free death's door desires.
Listen.
Crowing, from a creature
on the sea floor
violet world
drink!
drunk on words gone wild.
Sit in a leather-bound chair
bring the scalps
for wetting,
throw me off the cliff
into my blood sky.
Die in mid-air
die on a groaning breath
die with your poem in pocket
die with meaning in that locket.
SPLASH!
the full stop
of life
sour.
Wash the body
cleanse.
Razor sun
stopping for no-one,
ready to set fire
should one look that way.
Quench, quench
the floating,
end.

Comments
Doeslittle | March 25, 2008 - 22:51
This is brilliant and I would say the best poem of yours that I have read. BUT you're going to hate me for saying it....I don't like the repetition of stone. I don't like the 'moan with stone and groan' lines or the lines 'To be seen...beneath a white stone'. I don't think they work as lines in this because it has a spontaneity and chaos and beauty about it that is marred for me by the repetition of that little bit about 'stone'.
It's great though...well done.
LawOfTheOne | March 25, 2008 - 23:07
Thanks, high praise indeed. I'm going to look into the stone issue, probably take some of them out. Cheers.
LawOfTheOne | March 25, 2008 - 23:24
Reading it again I think your right, so I've removed the stone, moan stanza. It did feel like it stopped the flow of it. I've left stone in once or twice, in lines I can't envisage differently.
Thanks for the response and crit, it's improved it. (hopefully) :)
Doeslittle | March 25, 2008 - 23:37
Definite improvement. This is a WOW poem now...really.
keleph | March 25, 2008 - 23:49
parts of this would not go amiss in a Bob Dylan song. as you know, there is little higher praise i can give...
LawOfTheOne | March 26, 2008 - 01:43
You, keleph, comparing Zimmermann to my stuff!
I must be doing something right. :)
And thanks again doeslittle, glad you like it.
Ewan | March 26, 2008 - 08:42
Yep, this is very good.
You have one typo: it should be 'murmur'. Like a lot of onomatopœic words it involves a repetition of a sound, so of course that's reflected in the spelling.
(I know you've said you don't feel spelling is that important, but believe me editors do - and that's worth bearing in mind when you send something off to a publisher/magazine/agent as you undoubtedly will.)
Quite different from some of your others, and as Doeslittle says probably your best.
regards Ewan
LawOfTheOne | March 26, 2008 - 19:03
Thanks Ewan, the spelling has been corrected.
I spent a lot more time on this one and I guess it has paid off.
Cheers. :)
keleph | March 28, 2008 - 18:03
I can ONLY conclude that the Cherry has been lost in the mail, because I do not make comparisons with Dylan for nothing!!
LawOfTheOne | March 28, 2008 - 18:54
lol. as long as i get ur cherry im ok.............no, wait, that came out all wrong.:)