Mount Grandeur


from the ABC set Poems

You've attached your fake, long, white beard
and maroon suit
the ensemble you wore
when Klimt came around.
I told thee it would not do
but persistence and resistance
brushed me down
and ushered you on, out.
There was lots of snow on the ground
but none falling
as boots took their first
cold step, then again, then again.
Passed firs and cabins
full of life and sound
rising, rising to the underground.
Air cooled and hair rose
against the white a frozen pose
a statue of effort
...but not a bust of genius.
With that thought beating-up your mind
chemicals flowed and limbs slowed
to reconsider the grandeur of those halls
echoes on marble
and disillusionment on the young faces,
your faces, our faces.
Still you clawed and clambered
up,
a mist set in that said to you: NO.
Nearing the peak
she threw night in your face
a mighty mace
to break the senses and end all these
willful pretences.
Apex, tip, mountain top
the heart gives a cry
the mind knows why.
Tired and torn
portrait... forlorn,
you sit and contemplate
the moving earth and changing times
you roar logic and reason notes
to a tune of the infinite.
As frost put shackles around joints and bones
you could almost hear the asylum moans.
Morning woke and light provoked
a flitter of the eye
encrusted, still:
out, across the green plains
of fountains, cobbles and unreal rains
stood some other, remote, taller peak
brooding in the steam
it gleamed and boasted
and seemed to laugh,
seemed to toast your demise.

They thawed out the body for eighteen hours
and examined shrunken organs,
after, I covered him in his works
scribbles, magic and madness scrawls
messy, neat and incomplete
and buried all,
in the shadows of the hills
away from life's eternal chills.

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Comments

chuck | June 12, 2008 - 04:08

I liked it. The images are powerful. The Klimt reference grounds it in some kind of reality and makes me wonder who it's about...Egon Schiele?

Dynamaso | June 12, 2008 - 05:33

There is some great imagery going on here as well as some clever off-meter rhymes.

Doeslittle | June 12, 2008 - 07:36

I loved it. Very nicely written and has a lovely, distorted, magical quality about it. The only bit I wasn't sure about in terms of liking the wording was, 'the heart gives a cry
the mind knows why
as birds fly by.'

I like 'the heart gives a cry the mind knows why', but was less keen on the addition of 'as birds fly by'.

Otherwise, excellent.

tcook | June 12, 2008 - 11:10

I think that it doesn't quite work - the images are good but the writing is clumsy in places. The early 'thee' is definitely a clunk - as is the cyr, why, by sequence and the following torn, forlorn is clumsy too. I think that this one needs some work on it!

LawOfTheOne | June 12, 2008 - 21:28

Thanks for all the comments chuck, Dynamaso, Doeslittle and tcook. I agree that the 3 consecutive Y sounds aren't too good, so I've removed the last, hopefully it works better with just the 2. Also changed, ever so slightly, the ORN bit. I guess some people like the off-meter rhyme(as Dynamaso said) and some don't. And no it isn't about Schiele, it's about ....