Baps and Johnny
The fair hid come up tae the park across fae a the new hooses at the edge of toon. Ah'd noticed it arriving on Wednesday, but it wisnae open til Friday, which wis aright like, cuz abdy gits their pocket money on Friday, ken, n ye kin bide oot langer cuz there's nae school til Monday. We a went up on the Friday aifter supper; me, Baps and Budgie, n thir was loads a other fowk, fae the Academy n some wee farts fae the primary hanging aboot. Boys like Wee Jamie, Sean, wee shites like that, thit act so hard fan thir at school but shite themselves fan they meet anybdy fae the Academy. The fair looked pretty decent, ah aye prefer the Waltzers tae the Dodgems, n thir wiz a Rotor as well, ken far ye spin aboot n stick tae the wa. Hoora mental that, like! Yi kin go right upside doon the blood rushes tae yir heed, total rush! Thir was a bit wi a the bandits, a bit wi corrugated steel and flashing bulbs, games like "Street Fighter II and "Chase H.Q., and some pishy wee stalls far ye shoot a gun that's totally had it's sights bent. Scamming bastards, fair fowk.
We got there jist as it wiz getting dark, n a the multi-coloured lights, red, orange, yella, blue, green, and white, showed up against the sky n ye could hear the hard-house tunes fae doon the road, like it wiz calling ye tae the fair. Loads a boys wir up there already, they'd been there waiting for the place tae open an hoor ago, like they'd nithin else tae dae. The birds widnae be up yet, they'd spend ages on getting ready and making sure they got there fan some older boys, like fae the fourth year ken, had got there wi some money tae tik them on the Waltzers. Big Dode and some a his pals came up by n Dode ripped the pish oot a Baps, called him a spastic - they're in the same class or something at school. A lot a fowk tik the pish oot a Baps but I think he's aright; thick as fuck like, but he's disnae mean nae harm n he's a good laugh. Me n Budgie hiv kent him since we were in primary, so I dinnae gie a fuck aboot fit Dode says, ken. Dode aye hangs aboot wi younger boys onywye, tae mak him feel big or something. Thir's ayewis boys giving each other a bit o hassle or ripping the pish. It's like thir feart thit somebody will dae it tae them so they git theirs in first. Oot ay us, Baps gits it the maist, cuz his family arena exactly rich, n his sister's got a different surname fae him, but his mam's aye been sound tae us.
The thing about the fair n that is, ye cannae waste a yir money at once, else yir sittin there skint fan ither fowk are daein stuff and you're bored tae bits. Yi've got tae tak yir time and play it cool, ken. So whilst a the nippers were sticking thir money in fast fast fast, me and the boys jist stood and watched them play, or if they played the bandits we'd tell them fit tae dae. Then they'd look at us, like it was oor fault they lost! Stupid wee shites. Even if anybody went on the Waltzers or Rotor at that time, it's ayeways slow and bairny, cuz that's a that spends thir money at that time.
Aifter an hoor or so, me and the boys were gittin change fae the wifie at the desk, sittin there looking miserable as fuck and hating abody there. We'd a couple a games on the shoot 'em ups, driving games n hid been on the Waltzers once. A the wee boys hid spent a their money n some a them, Wee Jamie especially, wir gan aboot skimming their hand through the money slots in the bandits in case anybody has forgotten thir money; aye right! Looks so fuckin skanky, that, totally desperate. Budgie wis speakin to a boy fae his class at school, Johnny. I hardly knew the boy, ah'd seen him aboot a couple of times bit thought he wis a bit of a muppet. Ken fit like ' his mam still bought his claes, oot a Mackays and that. He hid a right bad dose a zits, some fuckin beauts on his chin thit badly wanted poppin. N he wis a bit of a swot at the school so he wisnae in any of my classes. But Johnny said tae us, "Fancy gan on the Waltzers? Ah wisnae up for it ' I got my money fae daein the papers, so I wisnae wanting tae waste it all on the one night, likes. But Johnny said he'd pay us on likes, so on we got. Ye pay 50p mare per person than if ye're gan on yersel, so he'd splashed oot twa quid on the four a us. Funny as fuck with five o us on the Waltzers, wi the bar doon, Baps raising his arms to get the G's, Johnny squashed intae the side laughing like mad, Budgie sitting in the middle playing it cool, as usual. We reeled off after that and went to watch Johnny play the bandit. It was like he'd found a stash a money, he wis piling in the 20p's like ah dinna ken fit. I wiz trying tae tell him how tae play the thing cuz it was obvious he hudnae played it before, n he kept on piling in the money n eventually he won the jackpot ' £4.80! Fucking sound like. Fuck knows how much he chucked intae the thing though.
We wir leavin aifter that, jist speakin away, aboot shite at school and stuff we'd got up tae. Johnny seemed quite sound, said he wis intae heavy metal n that, though we wir more intae dance music, like hard house. Love the beats like. Johnny said "Ye'll hiv tae gie me a shot a some CDs and Budgie said he bring one up sometime.
"Ye gan up tae the fair the morn? Johnny asked, his face in shadow awa fae the lights o the fair.
"Dunno like, I said. I wisnae much intae the boy, seemed a bit too keen.
"Well, ah'll pay ye ontae the Waltzers on again, he said. "S'only fair, you gieing me a shot o a CD.
Well, we just thought, "Aye, nae bather, ye nugget. If he wis wantin tae splash his money aroon, well, fae wir we tae complain? We walked back doon the road n Johnny went hame cuz he bade quite near. Budgie, Baps n me walked back tae mine n we wir ripping the pish oot a Johnny. I mean, just cuz he's got a this money he's trying tae show off wi it, show how cool he is that he can afford tae pay us on at the fair. But he's still a plooky wee shite. Still, like he said, if he wants tae pay us on, well, fair do's.
We went back up on Saturday, pretty late, aifter we'd been doon tae the chippy n fannied aboot doon there. Then we thought we'd go up n see if Johnny wis it the fair cuz we'd aboot spent a oor money. There he wis aright, playin some racing game n acting the big man while a gang a wee boys was gathered roon him watchin, primary boys that had spent all their money n had nithin better tae dae. He wis just chuckin in the money, continue after continue, n getting much further on in the game thin normally, cuz ye just lose eventually.
He spotted us n after he lost a race, he didnae continue but came tae speak tae us. "Aright! he said.
"Nae bad, said Baps, "been here lang?
"Aye, a while like. Did ye bring that CD? he asked Budgie.
Budgie went a embarrassed, no way had he minded a CD for that prick. "Na, it's still at ma hoose like, we kin maybe go roon for it afiter the fair, eh?
Johnny was agreeable. So he paid us ontae the Waltzers again (twice), bought a of us a poke a chips, n then me n him hid a go at the rifle shooting and then we all played a shoot 'em up 2-player for fuckin ages, swapping turn aboot like so we a had a shot. JOHNNY paid for the whole fuckin lot. He must have spent near £20. I mean likes, wir nae askin the boy tae spend his dough, but he's aye offering us to hae a go o a this stuff. N thir wis a bunch a the wee boys watching the games we wir playin, thir eyes wide like saucers at a the money Johnny wis spending. It wis like Johnny had a bunch a groupies hanging roon, waiting tae see if any money wid fall oot his pocket.
As we were playing, some a the older ains, like Wee Jamie and Baz, said tae him, "Goan gies a game fan Baps has finished¦
Johnny just snorted and looked at them. "Aye, right, he said, taking the piss, rubbing his chin wi a finger. Baps n Budgie creased themselves, laughing at the stupid wee shites, but Baz, he's Malky McIntosh's brother, wisnae tikkin "nih for an answer.
"Ah dinnae ken fit you're laughin aboot, he said tae us. "You're just hanging aboot wi Johnny cuz he's payin ye on everything. You're just sookin in wi him!
Shaun wis only in primary seven but he looked like he wis ready for a square go. I just telt him tae fuck off, n Baps, he's a big fucker even though he's soft as shite, just stood near tae him n watched him crumple up, a scared.
Fan the fair closed at eleven, we wirnae for going hame so we took a wander through the toon. Budgie, he's nae thick at a, finally asked whit we were a thinking. "So far've ye got a this money fae? Ye win the lottery or something? He said this just joking likes, but Johnny wisnae keen on answering.
"Mmm, I just, eh, I'd a this money n ma bank account, fae ma birthday.
"Oh right, I said, nae believing him. "S'yir mam nae bathered aboot you spending a it the fair?
Johnny laughed. "Heh, thir's no way I'm telling her that! She'd go mental.
Too right, I thought.
On Sunday, it wis absolutely mobbed. Malky McIntosh and his pals turned up. Johnny wis there again, of course, n fan we got there, he wis paying on Malky, Fat Dode, n a them ' on the racing games, on the Waltzers, on the rotor, the whole thing. I just laughed ' he wis trying to buy his way intae some hard mates. No way wis I gan to ask Johnny to pay us on fan Malky n them wir their. He's trouble, fae his bumfluff moustache doon tae his trainers. But I thought I'd see fit Johnny wis saying anyway.
"Fit like? he said nervously. He wis obviously crapping himself.
"Nae bad, I said. "Didnae ken you kent Malky.
"Aye, he came up the night, I ken him a bit fae school.
Of course he does, everybody kens Malky. He's aye standing outside wi his mates, smoking and taking the piss oot a everybody thit disnae hae good enough trainers or jacket. N he's a hardy cunt as well. I mind one time seeing him fight Tam. Tam's big but Malky battered him.
"Johnny! Malky shouted, brow creasing n looking a stroppy. "Ah need a continue.
The stupid fucker fired another 50p intae the arcade.
I just shook ma shooders n hung aboot wi Budgie and Baps, gan on the Waltzers n playing the arcades a wee bit. Eventually, after an hour, Malky got bored n went, "Aright Johnny, ah'll see ye the morn, eh.
"Ah dinnae ken, it's a school night the morn - "
"I said I'll see ye up here. Right?
"Aye. Right.
Malky kept his eyes on Johnny, pure giving him the evils, then him and his posse went on thir way, swaggering aboot like they owned the place and giving the fair workers cheek.
"Nice ane, Johnny, I remarked. "Dinna fancy being your bank account now, eh.
He just shrugged, as though to say, "What can you do? But he wisnae looking very happy.
After that, we didnae go up the rest of the week. No point, if Malky's there running the show. Then we heard that Sunday would be the last day so we went up for a while. Thir wir hardly any folk there anymore, like everybody had had there share n couldnae be bothered with it anymore. Surprise surpise, though, there was Johnny, playing Chase HQ. I wandered over. "Aright, Johnny, I said.
He looked quickly over his shoulder, still playing. "Aright.
"Nae got Malky hanging aroon wi ye?
"Nih.
I thought he'd decided tae gie us the cold shoulder, but he was just playing the game, cuz when it finished, he came tae speak tae us. "So how'd ye git rid o Malky? Baps asked, grinning.
"Ah, fan ah ran oot a money, he fucked off pronto. Glad as well, he's a right prick.
No shit, I thought. "Ach well, here we all are, I said. "Fancy gan on the Waltzers?
Johnny looked torn, unable tae make his mind up. "Ah've nae more money, he said. "Got busted last night.
"Busted? Budgie asked, half-laughing. "How, did your mum find your bank book?
"Nih. Ah wisnae taking it oot ma bank account. My mum n dad have got a stash a money they were saving, in a hidey-hole in their bedroom. For the summer holiday, ken? Ah wis takin the money fae there.
"What?! I asked, whilst Baps laughed, like he couldnae believe it.
Johnny looked really pissed off and angry. "So now ah've tae tik the money out of my own savings and pay them back. Fucking dicks!
Baps just laughed again. "Ah come on, he said, grinning. "Ye must have kent ye wid get caught. Yir folks are always gan tae spot money missing. It wis a bit fucking stupid of ye.
"Aye? Johnny said, staring at Baps. "Well then, if it wis so fucking stupid, ye can gie some a that money ah gave yis back!
We just looked at each other, dumbfounded. What the fuck was he on about? "Wise up a bit, Johnny, Budgie said. "If you're giein folk money at the fair thir nae gan say no, eh?
"Aye? Some mates you are eh! Ye fucking PRICKS! And he took a swing at Baps, got him a good ane on the jaw. Then he was away tae kick him in the baws, but I caught his fit and swung him roon, while Baps, fa's got a mega temper, snarled at Johnny and caught a hold of him by the shooders. He nutted Johnny right in the face and then twatted him a good punch on the coupon. Johnny fell back on his erse, and Baps was away to kick the shit out of him when Budgie stepped in between them, holding Baps back.
"Mon Baps, the boy's hid enough, Budgie said, as Baps struggled to get past and leather the twat.
Johnny was scrambling to his feet, near bawling.
"Ah'd fucking peg it if I was you, ah said to him. "Or we'll a pummel the shit out a ye.
Johnny ran off, probably away back home, preferring the deep shit he was in there.
"Jesus fuck, ah said. "What a fucking muppet!
" Ah ken, said Budgie, "starting on Baps like that, thir was nae need. He's just pissed off aboot nae being able to show off nae mare.
"I dinnae gie a fuck, said Baps, holding his jaw. "Ah'm going to kick the fucking shit out of him the next time ah see him. Dinna you's try and stop me. He'll get what comin.
Budgie and me agreed we widnae get in his road; we'd ayewis thought Johnny wis a bit o a prick, anyway.
