Lying beneath the bare-branched willow
Gaze up at the grey sky. You heard me
Once in a dream; a whisper, in silver
But you never heard the rain.
Feel the ice tide deep inside
Melt- slow black and seductive
Spinning dreams, dim memories
Of dull December days, spent with you
Soft singing by the river, kissing in the rain
White fingers pressed to scarlet lips
Say once, try twice, for love in apathy
Perpetual motion; I dream as I decay.
December days.
Comments
Double-dreamer | January 20, 2009 - 09:53
Oh, this is amazing.
The imagery in this poem is astounding, I love the 'white fingers pressed to scarlet lips' and 'i dream as i decay'.
I'm new to this site and if all of the poetry here is of this quality I think I might bow out gracefully.
Again, well done.
Double-dreamer
jennifer | January 20, 2009 - 10:27
This is beautiful, lovely imagery, such as:
'You heard me
Once in a dream; a whisper, in silver'
However, I think you need to reconsider your punctuation, which is somewhat sporadic in nature...!
J x
tamara (not verified) | January 20, 2009 - 20:19
This captures the essence of love,it is wonderful.
Lem | January 23, 2009 - 14:05
Thanks for your comment!
I actually made the punctuation sporadic on purpose in order to create a sense of 'motion' within the piece. However, I do really appreciate your feedback!
Lem
HeatherFeather | February 6, 2009 - 21:29
Oh Lem! I love this one! Its awsome! Especially:
'You heard me once in a dream; a whisper, in Silver'
I was there when you wrote it!
HeatherFeather xx