Spit and sprinkle, words fall on sweltering shoulders,
steel toecaps could do less damage; would not split
heritage or genetics. Shower of disdain, strained thought,
through slit glint of vision, thermostat twisted on mechanical
patriarchy, drips bile suspension in ink. By line, hate and
warfare, soaked in urea. Tension strains credulity, stains
belief. This well is tainted, do not bathe here. Archimedes'
screw drizzle-drips a corrosion, pock marks fearful minds.
Comments
Highhat | July 8, 2010 - 16:20
I like the symbolics. And the vocab. Good piece
Silver Spun Sand | July 8, 2010 - 18:31
No one does quite like you;-) A feast of wonderful vocabularly here. Much enjoyed.
Tina
rjnewlyn | July 9, 2010 - 20:45
Wow. Powerful stuff and good to see you back again. Seems apt for the stiflingly hot weather (here at least). A minor issue is that I don't think you can soak anything in urea because it exists as a crystal, except when dissolved (i.e. like being soaked in salt) but it would be a shame to let reality spoil some good imagery.
Rob
lenchenelf | July 9, 2010 - 22:31
Thank you High hat and Tina and RJN, much appreciated.
To give credit where it is due, I'd had this as the beginings of a scribble in a notebook since 06, if not for the strong piece by Zemikael Habte -Mariam, it would have remained there in fading ink, un-twiddled to doodle status, :-)
See your point RJN, had hoped to convey a visual of crystalisation(detritus) around a shower head and the crystals forming as a result of the downpour, plus a sneaky-beaky half rhyme. Further twiddling likely :-)
atb lena xx
kenny_mooney | July 13, 2010 - 14:21
Not normally one for poetry (don't really understand it enough), but occasionally I read pieces that really light a spark and this was definitely one such piece. Great use of language and words, imagery is great, very rhythmic. I like it.
lenchenelf | July 13, 2010 - 15:33
Thanks for your welcome comment Kenny atb Lena x