Driven

Very good Lena (even without the photo). I really love short pieces, when they are done well; it's a hard discipline and you do it very well.

Chris xx

'Piroutte'? Typo? Pirouette?

Loved this poem, (even without the photo, as Chris says).

Thank You Chris and Ewan, you are very kind, early morn typo fixed...extra pair of reading glasses on shopping list :-)
all the best Lena

A very nice poem. Only a thought, I found the flow interrupted briefly with two unnecessary commas, (after stranger) and (after pirouette); perhaps add an s after look. It is always difficult to suggest changes to someone who has placed their soul in their work. I welcome any suggestions for improving any of my writings, and I hope you don't mind mine. Cheers, Richard LP

Thanks Richard, observation is welcome :-)

Unusual prosody in Autism is well documented and discussed.

Though in this piece, I hoped to use those particular commas to lay emphasis on idea, image and fractured delivery, reflecting my own speech patterns as well :-)

Left to my own devices, I would use less punctuation and a more Concrete approach to text layout. I'll come back to this piece at some point and keep your suggestion in mind. Thank you once again.

all the best
Maddalena

My own opinion about your commas in this piece is that, while they could be said to be not strictly necessary, their presence changes the meaning of the sentence(s).

There is huge difference for me between

a painted stranger listening for words on the wind

and your version with the two concepts separated by a comma.

It´s hard to explain; it´s almost as though the ´comma-less´version is one idea or image, whilst the version with it is two ideas or two versions of an image.

Perhaps others will disagree.

I'd stick in a semi-colon after stranger in that case. I stick them everywhere anyway and I am not going to start giving lessons on punctuation (at least not while Ewan is looking LOL ). Personally, I would leave them in (at least) ;)

Thanks Ewan, s'about right, Moffat in the hall of mirrors :-) atb Lena

Thanks Chris, I do see what you mean, perhaps it could be equally valid to insert 'while' instead of punctuation, but might limit personal interpretation?
Feed back is always welcome, thanks again atb lenax