The Envy Of Sisyphus

I'm glad you stopped rolling long enough to write that lenchenelf.

Thank you Chuck atb Lena

Every time I see this come through the editing process I wonder what 'remenant' is - do you mean 'remnant'?

SaHa! well spotted sir, I was toying with the idea of 'revenant rags' , will edit forthwith and thanks :-) atb Lena

It's still not a word I know - and I always have difficulty with that. I'll go and look it up!

I like the little games in this piece.

'a noose
To dandle questions from...' :)

Thanks for the encouragement Amna :-) atb Lena

Revenant rags: I like that.

At the risk of being boring, is it worth looking at the punctuation?

regards
Ewan

Thanks Ewan, suggestions would be welcome, I've sumo-wrestled it several times since posting, but am not entirely happy with the outcome.
Thank you also to the bountiful faun of plenty :-) :-)
all the best, Lena

Well, Jen is the expert, but:

Revenant rags of bold summer day haunts;
Sanguine in sky's dusk stretched tent.
Wry, strained smile strays through canvas
Rent. Cloud wrought frame holds wild light
in shroud. Now candour; Moon bare breasts' sharp
Rise. Winks shine on tines of steep, forked road;
Braggart stump of old gibbet serves as bench.
So, pause a while, consider, choices spent
In which we thrive or die. Past lives, a noose
To dandle questions from, this heart's silent.
Some murmur, roar, more inchoate; fervent
In search of truth and yet, I keep my head

And roll the stone of Womans dread
While my feet still touch the Earth.

I know that many traditionalists like the capital at the start of the line. Many CW lecturers have told me that it is 'passé'. I read your poem easier without them, anyway.

I think you can have 'this heart is silent' too without destroying the scansion... Anyway, I liked it.

Ewan

Thanks Ewan, I've taken your suggestions. Capitalisation is a thorny one, for the nature of the poem I chose an archaic style and wondered whether to continue the theme throughout, but you are quite right, your solution is easier on the eye for a reader.
It is a peculiarity that I find a poem difficult to punctuate while it is still shape-shifting, squirmy little beastie that it is! all the best Lena