Who cares what you think,
Not me no I will not be told what
To say and do, you're nothing to me!
You think you're a better person than me
Well you're not I don't need you for anything,
I learned how to fight without you,
learnt how to fly a kite and kick a ball without you and I got pretty damn good at it!
To hell with you! I will get through life without you,
Marry my wife and have kids without you and
be great father without you!
So Who cares what you think!
Comments
Lennie | February 23, 2010 - 23:10
Leave a comment and tell me what you think
Beeme | February 24, 2010 - 13:01
In the first stanza 'your' should be you're and in the second stanza you need you're in the first line, and in the second line. You're needs to replace your in the last line of the first stanza. Dam should be damn as well.
Sorry just a few typos I really enjoyed this, it was very enjoyable and clearly very heartfelt :)
Beeme XX
Lennie | February 24, 2010 - 15:39
Lol thanks for the corrections and I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
lennie x
Beeme | February 24, 2010 - 16:06
you missed one , should be 'well you're not'. Sorry xD good too see you're writting more :) x
Lennie | February 24, 2010 - 20:20
lol fair enough changed it now lol thanks :) x
shoe | February 27, 2010 - 12:03
Hi Lennie, I'm not qualifed to critique your writing but for what its worth here is my advice. you may have heard of show and tell? it pops up every now and then, basicly when writing you should attempt to show rather than tell, it seems to me that that you start your poem by telling, then you do some good showing, then end with telling, for example: I was really angry (telling), I hit the wall so hard it split my knuckles (showing), it's not always so obvious as that, but if you keep this in mind I think you might find it helpfull. I thought the middle bit was a really good example of showing,
Shirley :~}
Lennie | March 7, 2010 - 21:20
Thankyou Shirley I will keep that in mind it makes good sense thanks again :)
Lennie