You have one New Message

You have one New Message

The message on her answer-phone gave her the news - it was over before
it had even begun. She could tell from the tone of his voice when he
said hello what he was building up to. Then his excuses followed as to
why he hadn't returned her call yesterday, or the previous day, and
she's just thinking get on with it, say the words. Her knees had
already gone, her legs were shaking as she held on to the edge of the
kitchen work-surface for support. How would he say it she wondered,
that he didn't want to see her again, what explanation would he
give?

He was rambling now, stumbling over his words and apologising, taking
too long to get to what they both knew was the point. He tackled the
specifics only, a very male way of handling it she thought. He said
that was wasn't really up for going out for a drink with her this week,
that he had a lot on. But he would call her in the next couple of days
and they could have a chat.
The last sentence threw terror into her heart - have a chat? What about
exactly? About the fact that on their first and only date he had
appeared almost smotheringly keen, that there had been an almost
tangible emotional connection after they had slept in each others arms,
and now here he was saying that he didn't want to see her again.
She was devastated. As she cried until her eyes grew red and swollen,
she knew that her tears were for the possibility that had just died,
rather than just for him. The rejection that she was feeling now was
not simply the rejection of one voice-mail message, from one man, but
of all of the built up rejection of recent years. Each time it
happened, each man who never called, chipped away a little more of her
idealist image of happy ever after. With each disappointment, each tiny
heart-break, she carried a little dark cloud with her that would not,
could not, disperse.
But what she could never know was that he had done it because he was
afraid. Of course he had felt their connection, perhaps even more so
than she had. And it had enveloped him in fear, it's immediacy and
power giving him only one option; to walk away before it was too
late.