I was nervous - entirely out of place
I wanted to jump out of the window and
run into the Scottish highlands but instead -
I showed you what I had written, my trembling
fingers clutched the corners of my story
and you asked if I wrote out of experience
I lied and said I didn’t
I don't like to be judged
And then during dinner
You announced to them – all of them
The alcoholic film director
The lesbian cruise-ship singer
The chatty woman with half a face
The man with Parkinson’s disease
The talented guy - always on K
And the not so talented nurse
You announced to them
that I was important
that I was a writer
And suddenly their faces
looked at mine
Their conversations about Kafka and modern
day politics - stopped - their eyes
meant for hunting down anyone willing to listen
pointed towards me searching for something
that wasn’t there before.
The director passed the salt as if to
suggest we were now related and the
Ketamine addict told me my hair looked
real pretty tonight
You see,
what you said to the table
it simply, made me feel
special
An intention was given to my life
the plot was sharpened and words
carried that comforting weight
that comes with meaning rather than
running without purpose across
a blank page
My feet felt more secure
I unwound them from under the table
My hands didn’t tremble
I unraveled my sweaty fingers
and placed them on my lap
It was a feeling
that hauled me out of
the dark corners of
teenage angst - suddenly
I wasn’t so afraid
of being centre stage
But now -
I’m sitting here
surrounded by
a dozen
coffee mugs
some warm, some old
trying to find
poetry in
circles of
white fuzzy mould
And my limbs begin to tremble - again
as I balance the blotchy pen underneath
my chin and ink splashes all over
colourless skin
I don’t feel so important or very
secure – there aren’t any Scottish highlands
to run into as I try to live up ...
Try to live up to what you said
about my writing, to everyone there
But I can’t
find many words
if any at all.
Comments
samhennig | May 3, 2010 - 22:44
Fantastic...like properly good...started reading that and couldn't stop, thank you :)
maggyvaneijk | May 3, 2010 - 22:52
thanks Sam, that's super nice of you!
samhennig | May 3, 2010 - 23:24
super duper!! lol
insertponceyfre... | May 4, 2010 - 04:44
I really enjoyed this poem maggy - I feel this way all the time and you've described it perfectly
maggyvaneijk | May 4, 2010 - 07:10
Thanks for making fun of my uncool use of language Sam :P
MistakenMagic | May 4, 2010 - 10:21
'My feet felt more secure
I unwound them from under the table
My hands didn’t tremble
I unraveled my sweaty fingers
and placed them on my lap'
- I love the way body language is conveyed in these stanzas, Maggy! All the little details, of the narrator and the others are brilliant and give such life to the poem. Seriously well done ;)
Magic xxx
maggyvaneijk | May 4, 2010 - 10:23
Thank you Magic!
samhennig | May 4, 2010 - 12:47
Btw can you write one for me to put up? I want a cherry haha! Your just too super!! :P
Anna Marie | May 5, 2010 - 15:55
Maggy, another one that simply captivates me. The cast of characters at this retreat made me giggle a little and realize the peculiarity of the circumstance. I too have felt this way before. All eyes on you...
wonderfully done!
xx Anna
maggyvaneijk | May 5, 2010 - 16:02
Thanks Anna, it is a weird feeling isn't it!
samhennig | May 5, 2010 - 16:34
Btw my last comment wasn't meant to sound quite so jealous...but take it as a compliment haha!
maggyvaneijk | May 5, 2010 - 16:48
no worries Sam, no need to stress out :P
samhennig | May 5, 2010 - 17:04
Haha...im not, just realised it seemed a bit bitchy, tbh i was just trying to think of another way to take the piss outta u saying super :P
maggyvaneijk | May 5, 2010 - 22:51
you're not the first to make fun of my "superness"
I once attended a fancy dress party where all the cool kids from the year above went to. The host's parents came down to check-up on things and of course everyone ignored them. Then the Dad recognized me and asked: "hello Maggy, are you enjoying the party?" for some reason I couldn't think of anything else to say but "Thanks Mr. Henry, it's super cool!" - and as you may expect this was followed with a storm of laughter and giggles and weeks of being teased with "hey that's the super cool girl!"
sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era.
samhennig | May 5, 2010 - 23:45
Haha, brilliant! Way too super cool for me
Margharita | May 6, 2010 - 11:13
Really enjoyed this - particularly liked the way you showed how nice and exciting it is to be identified as A Writer - but then how scary it is trying to live up to the label!
maggyvaneijk | May 6, 2010 - 12:53
thanks Margharita!
span | May 29, 2010 - 17:32
This is beautiful
Nathan Bednarek | May 17, 2011 - 22:21
You are the master of body-language poetry! Time and time again as I read your poems, you describe body-language in such a way that it almost feels like I'm the one you're writing about. So realistic, so human. There is a sense of being to your poems, so rare these days, that they literally feel alive. Something to be humbled by, as I am.
Nathan x