matt 2

Ryan was born in Cricklewood, at the time Tony Blair was prime minister. There were these three Iranian fortune tellers who travelled from their country and they turned around and said: "Where is Ryan, the little baby that was born recently, and who we know is the leader of an old spiritual group of people. We saw his star in our crystal balls, and we have basically come to big him up"

Tony Blair got word of what these Iranians said, and he was well pissed off by it, as was most of North London. He basically called a meeting of all the RE teachers and people from the UK spiritual centers. "Where did the old bloke from the old book say that God would be born again?"
"In cricklewood because this is what the old bloke from the old book said: 'Yo Cricklewood in north london, you're not just a suburb, cos the main man will come from your neck of the woods, and he is gonna be the leader of my spiritual group'"

So Tony sent a text message to the Iranians (he got their number off MI5) asking them to come and see him. When they did he found out exactly when they saw his star in their crystal balls. Then he said "Go to Cricklewood, and knock on the doors and look for this baby, I'll send some MI5 with you don't worry, and when you find him, come back here and tell me cos I want to big him up too."

Then the Iranians got our their crystal balls and saw a star which guided them to Cricklewood like a satnav. The star actually led them right up to where the baby boy was. They were unbelievable chuffed with it, and the M15 escort looked a bit miffed. They knocked on the door, and Jill answered, and asked what they wanted. The M15 Explained that they were there to check on the baby, and after a bit of tooing and froing, Jill finally let them all in. As soon as the Iranians saw the baby, they fell to their knees, and started to big him up. After a few minutes of that, they opened their rucksacks, and laid some gifts on on the floor, one was giorgio armani perfume, another a gold signet ring, and another some limited edition red nose day sensodyne toothpaste from 1997.

When it was finally time to go, they went back a different way because Ryan had warned them in a lucid dream not to go back to Tony.