Not too Much to Ask
By Mark Burrow
- 3124 reads
Age is a right bastard. Creeps up on you. I remember the moment I realised I’d never have a tommy tank on the Orient Express. I was devastated. Proper gutted. Some blokes, they dream about free climbing El Capitan, cycling the alps, taking their family to Disney World or Disneyland. Not me. I couldn’t give two fucks about exercise, panoramic views and Mickey Mouse twats. As for a family, no chance. Have you ever noticed how fucking exhausted parents look? People used to say to me, “Have kids, you’ll never regret it.” They’d be fucking nodding off as they said it. Fucking knackered. To be fair, things could have happened with a girl except it ended. Everything ends. I was a nasty bastard. Now I’m bloody lovely. Salt of the earth type. I look both ways before crossing the road, if you catch my drift. I go for a coffee in the park caff. Hobbling along. Crooked. I won’t lie, my life’s fucking shit. All I wanted was a wank on the world’s greatest train. Dreams of dark panelled coaches. Polished brass and velvet trim. Leather. Lots of shiny leather. Holding myself back until I hear that steam whistle cry. It’ll never happen. I realise that now. They wouldn’t let me on the fucking tube. Not the way I am around people. That’s the problem with your dreams. They fade if you let them. I see that now. All I’m left with is me. Here. Alone. Eating tinned fucking ravioli.
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Comments
Rather crude perhaps
Rather crude perhaps you could tone it down just a little bit as in "sh*t", and "f**k”. This one word alone is already 90% of them. Why so? And it is apparently used as a substitute for any kind of and for any word? Some of them are very ugly if you think about it.
Well it is definitely not an achievement you should not be proud of it.
I do have understanding for the problem one picks up this kind of language from films and media all the time and I do admit. At pubs and at work at home it is everywhere.
I'm always suprised to discover this kind of thing on Abc to me I feel it is supposed it is more like family entertainment. This kind of language is really not necessary.
All the best to you! Tom Brown
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Fabulous character - I think
Fabulous character - I think I know him.
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It's a character. I see that.
It's a character. I see that. And it is how a lot of people talk. But we need to know why he's not let on the tube. 'After the incident with the French horn, the poodle and the can of WD40 Charlie gave me down the pub they wouldn't even let me...' Something like that....
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The language is harsh,
The language is harsh, unpolished but I think so is the character you've created, a true curmudgeon. In this context, the rough tone and attitude works- it is defiantly defensive as his life has not been all he'd have liked. I enjoyed the read – I could see this character giving his opinion on many issues of his day….I found it honestly humorous.
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I did enjoy reading this, not
I did enjoy reading this, not that I am usually too keen on a lot of swearing, but it is often very appropriate and hard hitting in the right place. Here it suits the character perfectly, a very dramatic and extreme character, who nonetheless remains mysterious. It has humour, desperation, tragedy and power. A very strong piece, enjoyed it a lot!
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Very effective little slice
Very effective little slice of life, immediately full of personality, funny, and a sad ending. Strong work for its duration
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