If I Could Live My Life Over Again .......

If I Could Live My Life All Over Again.

I have said, that SO many times. Even more so last year. What does that really mean? Usually, I say that when something hasn’t gone right. When it is a happy day, I never think that. When some people have eaten a nice meal sometimes, they say, “I could eat that again.” When it is a happy day, I just enjoy the moment and relive it, and the next day I write it in my diary. I will talk about it with likeminded people, I will give it 10/10.

When something bad has happened and I feel devastated, there is nothing I can do, to change the situation. Sometimes some people in their dreams, when something bad is about to happen, or a bad person or thing is chasing them, they make themselves become invisible. For me, I always wish that I was somebody else. That is my way of burying my head in the sand, but that changes nothing. I usually, wish I was a nice person that I know, but as I am not in their head, I don’t know the turmoil in their heads! They are probably wishing they were me!

To everyone, outside the home, I come across as confident, bold, and brave! That is not the case, I am too sensitive. I wish I wasn’t sensitive, but it does have its good points. I work with people who are not!

As I am not able to go back and live my life again, nor was I able to change the situation I had got myself into, to stop myself from having a nervous breakdown, I had counselling.

Thank God, for counsellors, I had chosen them both, months apart. They certainly helped. Before this there were quiet secret tears, fears, worries, cares, mini panic attacks, stress, over-thinking. I think I added 100, more gray hairs to my head. I was quiet at work; my laughter had gone. I felt like I was the worst person in the world! I think if I had gone to the doctors, he might have put me on anti-depressants. It felt, that this was the second worst thing that had happened to me in my life! My life felt unreal, I felt like I was in a surreal, out of body experience, that this torture, would never end. Before the counselling, I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

My situation has not changed, but thanks to the wonderful counsellors, they helped my mind set. A lot of control is in the mind. Positive, negative, strength, weakness, hopelessness hope, grief and loss that was a BIG issue.

I think if I knew what was around the corner, what tomorrow may bring, the bad, I would not allow it. I would do something else. I would be a model citizen. The weirdest thing, the counsellors know everything and they think I am a model Citizen!

So, if I wished I could live my life all over again, around the world, so has millions of others.

I was thinking of this concept this morning, and thought…….

If I met an old man age around 90 and he suddenly came up to me and said, “Hello Maxine,” I dont know him I would say, “Do I know you?” He would reply, “Look deep into my eyes.” I look into his eyes and I think I know him, I think I have met him before, but don’t know where, his eyes they are a lovely colour. He seems like a nice person; he seems familiar to me. I say, “I give in, who are you?” With a broad smile he says, I am you grandson Darius.”

Darius explains, “I have lived my life over again, and again, and again, and this time I have finally got it right!”

So, I suppose my fantasy of wanting to live my life over again, would mean others would be doing the same. Everything would get messed up, for the old would become young again and the young would become old again, until individuals were satisfied, that their lives were finally……… Perfect!