I despise this bleached Eden.
This cold and clinical forest
where clear, vine-like tubes
twist around metal trees.
You lie, a ghost
unable to crumple the crisp bed sheets.
A pale Persephone, perfected.
I once placed a vase of sunflowers
on the windowsill, enough
to make Van Gogh blush.
But such gold was unwanted
by the whiteness;
they wilted like ants
under a magnifying glass.
I come with a sack
of glitter-stuffed cards from the kids.
They miss you, you know.
Though Henry won’t be visiting anymore;
he doesn’t understand why I still come.
I am outnumbered by the machines
clustered around your bedside,
druids at witching hour.
They gossip in beeps and whirs.
The mountain range of the monitors
reminds me why I am here.
Somewhere, buried deep within
this featureless shroud,
your heart is still beating.
Something you always said,
“It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”
I turn to leave and realise
I have not been the only visitor,
Death’s footprint is in the dust.
Comments
littleditty | February 18, 2009 - 15:05
Excellent imagery for a moving piece of writing, loved each of the images, original, but thought V2 could work somehow without there being an obvious simile there - You lie, blind, a ghost - something like that. Whatever, a poem that brings the reader into this hospital scene so well, well done Magic..
Nathan Bednarek | February 18, 2009 - 15:06
Phew! Now this is a poem with a hint of Magic ;-)
It feels so surreal and alien, and yet it has a very familiar feel to it. This poem takes the reader on a journey. It sparks one's imagination and the imagery is the match. It has a hint of wisdom too.
“It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”
Yes, we have a natural tendency to think something's over way before it actually is ;-)
A brilliant read, well done.
Nathan.
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:08
Thank you for your comment ld! I agree, the simile is obvious. I like your suggestion, am also toying with 'You lie, a blind ghost' and 'blindly, you lie, a ghost'. Any of them strike you?
Magic xxx
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:11
Ah! Was just typing and 'Boo!' - Nathan's comment appeared! Thank you so much for your comment Nathan ;) This poem is atually drawn from my experiences of hospitals over the past few months, my nana fell and broke her hip so I spent quite a lot of time in her ward - it did feel like another planet!
Magic xxx
littleditty | February 18, 2009 - 15:20
dont know, thought to try something without the word/idea, blind, as you already have the idea of absence, or lessoning connection to the physical room with ghost and the sheets... :)
Nathan Bednarek | February 18, 2009 - 15:21
LD has a point here... ;-)
littleditty | February 18, 2009 - 15:21
simply,
You lie, a ghost
unable
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:23
I could just scratch blind and leave it as 'you lie, a ghost unable to..'?
Magic xxx
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:24
It's happening again! Sorry LD, I didn't see your post before I posted! Yes, agreed, I shall edit out 'blind'.
xx
littleditty | February 18, 2009 - 15:37
see? blind had to go from this poem, you dunnit, i smell friut :)
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:40
Thanks for all your help ld :) And shhh don't scare away the cherry fairy!
Magic xxx
Nathan Bednarek | February 18, 2009 - 15:43
Oi, that's my line! ;-p
Yes, this line feels more mysterious now ;-o
Again, a beautiful poem.
MistakenMagic | February 18, 2009 - 15:46
Thank you Nathan! Gosh I'm exhausted, it's been a comment explosion - anything to stop me doing my coursework eh?
xx
Nathan Bednarek | February 18, 2009 - 15:49
I know the feeling. I have one last piece of coursework to finish off. I've been trying to finish it for ages. Anyways, I'm looking forward to Monday. That's the final deadline for my coursework ;-/
xox
Silver Spun Sand | February 19, 2009 - 08:40
Hope the coursework is going OK:-)
A moving poem that I could identify with in so many ways.
The last line will stick in my mind for a long time.
Tina xxx
threeleafshamrock | February 20, 2009 - 11:02
Another superb piece of moving poetry Rebecca. The last stanza is pure drama; what a finish!
Chris X
MistakenMagic | February 21, 2009 - 20:28
Thank you Chris and Tina! Sorry I haven't been online - I'm currently down in Oxford looking at the colleges ;) I'll be applying this autumn so thought it best to check out the product!
Damn LD, you scared the fairy away!
Magic xxx
littleditty | February 23, 2009 - 14:33
twasnotme :Oo (btw i did a little edit/version for ideas-its at home and i'll try to send you later) ld
MistakenMagic | February 23, 2009 - 15:05
Ooo I look forward to hearing from you ld :)
Magic xxx