A Classroom Dream

Hmm...an interesting piece. And I'm torn on it. I loved the 1st half, punchy, upbeat, unique and yet familiar. Then the shift into what is of course the substance, the romance, kind of threw me. It's sudden, uninducted, abrupt. The 'She's laughing' line needs presidence. It's the turning point. We jump from an exhausted to teacher to a sudden fantasy of romance. I must admit I loved the strawberry scent quartet of lines, and once the shift is adressed the wordplay is again strong. Then we learn her name. We should never learn her name. She is your creation/dream/fantasy/etc and I feel giving her a name cheapens it. The whole four lines preceding the name feel out of place as again we shift back to the classroom. Its...mealy imagery. Pain in veins and we've heard this yearning a hundred times before. Now, I LIKE this piece, I really do. You have a sharp eye for rhythm and voice and humor and romance, but your transition and imagery needs work. I rarely read poems and when I do I want to see something I've never seen before. And I get that for 2/3 of this piece. The ending is brilliant, though. Keep it up, tinker a bit, and the piece will be even better!

I like this, too, Natalia. It is a sort of game of two halves. I get the feeling that the teacher (failing to exercise control) becomes the object of the fantasy, but a lead or a definitive "flipping" (what an awful term) of the piece to take the reader there would - er, take the reader there. Just a thought by a tired man late in the evening. Like mike, I like this poem and think it is a great piece of imagination.