Black thoughts

Black thoughts
Crammed in tight like a ball of wire
They fester while laughing
I think them in order like a deck of cards
I can't seem to escape the routine of them
They are like prayers that must be said
A litany of self-hatred and inadequacy

I look at them over my shoulder
Or in reflection in the lenses of my glasses
A half glimpsed movement behind me
Like the flight of a dark bird
A crow
Eyes red and aware
Cheeking me

How they taint my waking life
They even crowd my dreams making me cry and murmur
No one stays in my bed
The thoughts play then
Larking about across my tongue like plunging stones
I have heard people talk
He says weird things in his sleep they say
They turn and laugh behind smug hands