Angels from early days
of my schooling
meant little cherubs
fiddling bows
and smiling with cherry
cheeks and chubby
hips while floating
among marshmallow
clouds in disarray--
our modern angel
dear daughter
wears her
tagged jeans
and hairdo with popular
wild colours
simply a precious
young lady
wishes to be a darling
for mom and dad
innocent to life’s pitfalls
yet bathed in love.
© Richard L. Provencher
Website: www.wsprog.com/rp/
Comments
maisie | May 13, 2011 - 06:57
the 'but' jars the poem, makes the line too long, and adds a sensation you might not want,
heres a suggestion: try it with it out -
Richard L. Prov... | May 13, 2011 - 11:42
Thank you, Maisie. I always appreciate suggestions for improvement in my work, and yes, taking out the 'but' is much better. Richard LP
skinner_jennifer | May 13, 2011 - 18:01
The angels you mention watch over us, but there are
also human angels here on earth watching too.
I love your poem, it's a real tribute to your
daughter, beautiful.
Jenny.
Nathan Bednarek | May 14, 2011 - 22:48
Awesome. I love the haiku-like style of this poem. Its simplicity is what adds to the effectiveness. A very tender poem and a pleasure to read. I'm really glad you expanded on it ;-) it paid off. A big well done.
Nathan.
Richard L. Prov... | May 15, 2011 - 02:03
Thank you Jenny and Nathan--who encouraged me to develop my original poem further. Your comments are encouraging. Richard LP