Stepping Out
No longer with her man, nor children
or volunteering with the Food Bank
just satisfying her needs, a new man in
her life, and jogging to lose weight
to keep his attention.
Once we shared uplifting stories
as she de-weeded a senior’s lawn
and shopped at Sobey’s for the
best bargains in town
and now not around any more
up the hill in her new nest
another hunk in her mixed-up life
forgetting three children
who stare out the window, asking
“When’s momma comin’ home?”
© Richard L. Provencher AND
the ABCTales.com family of authors
Website: www.wsprog.com/rp/
Note: Hello dear readers. I wrote this poem this am, June 20, so it's hot off the press. Usually one of my writings is left to simmer for about a week before I return to it. This time your help is requested, as something different for each of us. By the way, this poem is based on a situation which took place with our neighbour.
Please suggest any additions or changes in your remarks. Then I will take them all into account. I love to write and this way will engage all those who enjoy reading my work. Go for it. RLP
Comments
jh45 | June 20, 2009 - 13:20
It is a new approach to a sad condition where women run off and abandon children. There's something but I cannot place my finger on it as yet. I will give this a few more readings. I like where it's starting and transitions. I will read it a few more times and post back for now it's a great start.
Richard L. Prov... | June 20, 2009 - 13:36
Thank you, jh45 for being the first to respond. In my writings, I try to be an overseer with fresh eyes to view any situation. And to set aside my subjective feelings, since it affects a very nice family with something right out of nowhere. I am not a stranger to social issues, with a background of 22 years in all aspects of Community and Family Services, yet realize when writings take place, they should be gentle, yet real, and yes, sad to say, women are abandoning their families more and more. My sister was one of these sad re-locations. Richard LP
sarah wilson | June 20, 2009 - 13:47
Maybe:
Once we shared uplifting stories
as she de weeded a senior's lawn
before shopping at Sobey's for the
best bargains in town.
and:
forgetting three children
who stare.....
Just an idea. This was the only bit that jarred. Otherwise I think it is a gentle observation of a sad situation. Nice work Richard:) sarah x
Richard L. Prov... | June 20, 2009 - 14:41
I like it, Sarah. Over the years, I've written many poems, and now a renewal is needed, so my words do not become stale, with similar, OR over-used thoughts. New insight like yours is precious. All of the suggested changes/additions received will be worked into this poem, asap. Thanks again. Richard LP
Ewan | June 20, 2009 - 16:50
Well, Richard, a worthwhile experiment already, no?
Regards
Ewan
sarah wilson | June 20, 2009 - 20:47
Well deserved cherry Richard. I'm so glad my input was worthwhile:) sarah x
Richard L. Prov... | June 21, 2009 - 02:33
Thanks to both Ewan and Sarah and others for their input. Writing continues to be such fun, and therapeutic too. It helped my brain function during my difficult road in the early stages of my stroke recovery. God bless everyone. Richard LP